Wish You Were Here - Part 3

Chapter 20

OLIVIA'S POV

The house is already buzzing with energy and excitement as Harry and I let ourselves into Will and Xander's place.

Their floor is scattered with new toys and wrapping paper, the dining table filled with sweets and cakes, bottles of champagne on one end as classic rock music fills the space just a tad softer than the roar of laughter and chatter from our friends.

Bec has called me three hundred times since lunch the other day to make sure I am ok, worried, understandably, about Harry and I, but something has slightly shifted since then and for the first time in a while, I feel hopeful. 

They say staying positive is half the battle, right?

I find out in a week or so if I'm pregnant or whether the dreaded countdown will start again but this time I just feel different, we have been different.

Pilates this morning was a sight for sore eyes, Harry of course being right when he said they would let him in no questions asked. I tried not to let it bother me when every staff member we saw asked for a photo and ridiculously apologised for not realising I was connected to him, promising him unlimited classes whenever he was in London.

A small group had gathered outside by the time we left, the last thing I needed was more ugly photos of me when we were sweaty and red faced but Harry was obliging, as always, to the fans who wanted photos or autographs.

"Mr and Mrs Claus so nice of you to join us!" Xander's voice booms and my cheeks burn red involuntarily at the sudden focus on us.

"What are you on about?" Harry laughs while hugging his friend hello.

"The fucking truck load of presents that arrived this morning! I know there was a reason I was friends with you lot!" Xander jokes and Harry runs a hand though his curls as he looks at the tops of his boots.

"Xander! The swearing!" Will hushes and his boyfriend bares his teeth in an apologetic grimace. "Sorry honey, I keep forgetting. But honestly, thank you guys, way too generous."

It's then that I notice the rest of the group looking on, Frankie, Mel, Bec and Nathan all politely watching us and waiting for our reaction. They're not gawking, not gossiping, Bec and Frankie more concerned than anything but all a little cautious, a little careful.

"Harry, Liv... This is Milly," Will says gently as he turns to the side to show us his daughter grumbling into his shoulder.

Milly's face is peeking out from the grasp she has on Will's shirt, her dark eyes overwhelmed with all the new found attention. Her chubby cheeks engulf the finger she's sucking on while a tiny little tuft of hair sits in a make shift ponytail with a bow on the top of her head.

I feel Harry's hands squeeze my shoulders as he stands behind me and mine reactively reach up to brush his fingertips.

"Oh my gosh! Guys, she is the cutest thing I've ever seen! Hi Milly!" I exclaim, not able to hold back my excitement despite the considerate group of people analysing our every move, ready no doubt, to whisk Milly away incase the emotion of it is negative for us or too much to handle. 

Harry is even less subtle than I am, his face alight with joy, an open mouthed smile stretching across his face, his dimple popping deep in his cheek and his eyes wide with delight.

"Hi sweetheart," he says reaching forward without hesitation and taking the toddler from her new father.

There's no question that watching Harry with a baby, or child of any age really, pulls at my heart strings and ties my stomach into a knot.  My chest thumps at the sight and sound, leaving a gaping hole that fills with desperation and such maternal yearning that sometimes it feels like it might weigh so much it will bury me into the ground.

The hole isn't just filled with my own emotions but also, perhaps even more so, with Harry's. 

I want to be able to give him the family he wants and so rightfully deserves.  I want him to experience being a dad and relish in being as amazing at it as I know he will be. 

I wish with every part of my soul that I could give him this, at least once, to see the joy on his face when he looks at our son or daughter, to watch him teach them little lessons about life and guide them though it as best he can, to be there when he rocks them to sleep or holds them when they are sick or frightened or upset.

I feel like I'm failing him. I do, and although in reality I know it's on both of us, it's me who has to fall pregnant and my heart splinters every time I think about the past eight months of failures.

I know I shouldn't, but I feel responsible, and I feel guilty.

I notice Bec and Nathan share a smile at Harry and Milly.  A lot of people are good with kids but Harry just has something that they are drawn to.  He is so naturally playful and entertaining that children are completely captivated instantly, as are most adults, to be honest.

There is something about his smile and eyes that are warm and kind, his actions exaggerated and his nature is a charming contradiction of lightheartedness and sincerity, funny yet serious, childlike yet trustworthy.

I watch him as he pulls his features into a myriad of expressions at the toddler and I chuckle softly to myself at how he seems to easily change his face so dramatically, almost looking like a completely different person depending on whether he is playfully pouting or laughing or pretending to be cranky.

He bares his teeth to the little girl in his arms, drawing his lips away to expose both top and both rows, crinkling his nose and brow in the process while she squeals and pushes his cheeks together with her tiny palms.

He grabs one of her hands and kisses her mini fist before catching my eye and winking at me, my stomach somersaulting even after all this time and even with all of our issues.

A/N:

Hows everyone today!

didnt NYC treat us all with kindness. wow.

I usually write a bit in advance to make sure the story flows right and im running low so bear with me while i try and get enough spare time to write more for you!

Love Ruby

x