Because Sometimes Opposites Attract - Draco Malfoy Fanfic

Chapter 16 - Draco's POV

How was this supposed to go on? I could not keep losing control every single time I saw Sam. But when I saw her it was like I turned into a different person, that's how far I had let her get to me, I had changed for some girl, a fucking gorgeous girl though. She was a mystery to me, I could never really figure her out. I wanted to keep my pride, I didn't want her to see how weak I was for her. But she had to know already because I had gotten weak twice.

I considered that maybe I had gone mad. I felt like this because of some girl, what was that about? I had to stop somehow but I had tried and failed miserably before. Had my plan worked out the way I had wanted it to, what had happened in the bathroom corridor never would have happened in the first place. I remembered it all so vividly, the taste of her tongue and her lips moving on mine, breathing in her scent while kissing her neck. I had noticed her wearing a scarf despite the sun outside and I knew it was to cover what I had left on her. Strangely, I liked the feeling of knowing it was there and that she was aware of it too. At the same time, I felt pathetic for feeling that way, happy about marking her. 

I wonder if she had told anyone. Whenever I saw her, I wished I could read her mind to know what was going on inside that pretty little head of hers. At least she wasn't with Longbottom, losing against Longbottom would have been pathetic. But that moment when she had kissed him, I had wanted so badly to be him, I had actually wished to Longbottom, how sick was that? She made me feel all those things and made me think all those thoughts. No one could ever know.

The worst thing about it was that I wanted to see her and kiss her again, I wanted to feel her fingers in my hair again and her legs wrap around me, her tongue against mine, making her breathe faster. And the surprising thing was that she had seemed to be into it too. How could I make her feel that way, how could I make her such a mess? Somehow, I confused her in the same way she confused me, I could see that. She never knew what to do or how to act and which way to at me when we met in the corridors. 

I had decided that it was best to go back to ignoring her or saying something mean so no one would suspect anything. But every single time I saw that I had hurt her after saying something, it hurt me too. That was the worst really, she made it so hard for to me to even lose a bad word about her. And I didn't want to, it was just how I was. She was changing me and I hated it, I didn't want it. I had understood that there was nothing I could do about it but I was still fighting it. I had never expected that it would turn out like this. I hated it, I hated her. No, I didn't, I wanted to, I really wanted to hurt her. She was what I normally would try to insult any day, normally I would've loved to see her cry.

Luckily, I had never seen her cry, I knew it would ruin me. I could not stand to see her upset. I recalled that moment after our kiss back in Hogsmeade and staring into the mirror and I had seen her staring, the look in her eyes, she had not liked what she was seeing. I had loved it but it had looked wrong, us together. This was not me. I was not that guy that changed because of a girl, turning cheesy and creepy. Fuck, why were things so complicated? I didn't want to be anything for her, dammit. Maybe I only liked it because it was so wrong. And what about her? 

I turned my head to see that Sam had joined Longbottom having breakfast at the Gryffindor table. "You okay, Draco?" Pansy asked next to me. I didn't want to replace my view of Sam with the view of Pansy but I did it anyway. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I asked with a sigh. "Just checking because you were staring at Longbottom" she replied but kept on eating. When I looked back over, Loony Lovegood had sat down with them too and Sam was laughing at something she had said. How could I be into that, someone who was friends with those people? At the same time, I wished that I was the one making her laugh because seeing her laugh was beautiful and I seriously had to stop thinking about her. I wondered if I had ever made her laugh.

But this was not how it was supposed to be. "Let's go, guys" I said. We had a couple more minutes until class started and I got up with Crabbe, Pansy and Goyle following me. "Gonna make Longbottom and Baker cry?" Pansy asked with a laugh and I just nodded. "Let's do it" she said. 

"Heard you're not doing well in class, Longbottom. What about your parents, are they proud?" I asked with a smile, watching him shrink in his seat. "Don't talk about my parents" he said quietly and looked away. I felt good for a moment and I was confident because I wasn't weak being this close to Sam. "Shut the fuck up, Draco" she said and put her arm around Longbottom. For an eternal second, our eyes met and I was held down by that deep blue. Behind me, my friends were laughing at Longbottom because of what I had said which made me snap out of it. I knew they were waiting for me to say something about Sam too. "No bad words for me today, Draco? How come?" she asked challenging me. I wondered if she knew how hard this was for me. Maybe she wanted to prove it to herself that I was not the kind of guy I was when we were alone. She was provoking me.

I wanted to say something about her hair but I just wanted to run my fingers through it, I wanted to say something about her figure but I just wanted to hold her again, feel her body against mine. I was fighting inside. We were the only ones who knew and it had to stay that way. I bit my lip. "Do you need my help?" she offered sarcastically. "It should be easy, I'm so ugly, aren't I? Such a shit person, such a blood traitor." What was she saying? Was she being sarcastic or did she actually think that she was ugly? And who even cared about her blood status and her family? Not me, I only cared about her lips at this point that I could not stop staring at. I wanted to tell her how wrong she was but I pressed my lips together so I wouldn't tell her she was pretty. I tried to not look into her eyes but she was looking at me and she was messing with me.

"There isn't much to say about you, Baker. You think you're the best all the time and you think you can make everyone better and have some sort of special power but guess what, none of that's what's up. You're just another nothing, like Longbottom, you're not worth anything."