art by softmushie on tumblr!
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The mirror was Jared’s best friend and worst enemy.
It blew things out of proportion, yet it gave him some sense of closure. He was there, alive and well, and existed. He had a boyfriend, a few other friends, and was generally happy.
Today, though, he was not “generally happy.”
As Jared stared at himself in the mirror, he scrutinized himself more and more. It was like a game--how many things about himself could he find that he hated?
His face had too much acne.
He was too short.
His stomach seemed to bulge over his basketball shorts.
His thighs were too fat and jiggly.
He was fat.
He was ugly, truly. Why would Connor, his previously mentioned boyfriend, love him?
Before he knew it, tears he didn’t even realize had been building up finally spilled. His shoulders shook with each soft sob. He tried to be quiet. He couldn’t let Connor hear him. Connor would just get worried, and be filled with sadness after Jared spilled everything. Jared didn’t want to make Connor sad. Sad Connor was his least favorite Connor.
Jared leaned against the wall in his fit of sobs, slowly sinking down as his entire body shook with self-loathing. Every thought in his mind consisted of some sort of hatred toward himself.
It wasn’t long before his quiet sobs turned into a full on gross sob, not being able to help how loud he was being.
All he could think was, “Please don’t let Connor hear me.”
However, Jared couldn’t hold back anymore. Sure enough, Connor heard his desperate cries from a few rooms over, standing up and going to follow the source of the sound. There, he saw Jared on the bathroom floor, curled up against the wall as he shook violently with despair.
“Babe, oh my God.. Come here.” Connor said as he approached the shorter male slowly and sat beside him. His arms embraced Jared and pulled him close.
“Please,” Jared sniffled, “Please don’t be sad.”
Connor’s heart felt like breaking as Jared said that. Jared sounded like a broken kid.
“I won’t. I just wanna know what’s wrong, okay? I want to help you, Jared.” Connor whispered, trying to calm Jared’s violent sobs.
“Don’t you see what’s wrong, Con?” Jared asked.
“No, Jared. What’s up?” The taller male, looked over Jared, making sure Jared didn’t hurt himself--by accident or on purpose.
“Look at my stomach. It’s so gross.” Jared looked down at his stomach, pinching it weakly.
“Your stomach isn’t gross, Jare. It’s beautiful, just like you.” Connor tried convincing Jared of this.
“No! It’s so gross! I’m so fat, Connor. Can’t you see how fat I am?” He raised his voice a little, burying his face in Connor’s chest as he began to dry sob. He seemed to have run out of tears.
“Jared,” Connor began, taking Jared’s head in his hands and bringing his eyes to meet Jared’s, “You are not fat. I swear, you’re so beautiful, and you aren’t fat. I love you, Jared.”
Jared went silent, eyes glossed over. He sniffled a few times before pulling his head away from Connor’s grasp and keeping the eye contact.
“You promise?” He asked, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.
“Of course I promise. You’re single-handedly the best person I’ve ever met. I love you.” Connor swore.
“I love you, too, Connor. I’m glad you love me.” Jared admitted. His breathing was now totally calm. He was able to convince himself that he’d be okay.
“And I’m glad I love you, too. I couldn’t love anyone else.”
