More than Life Itself (an Ed Sheeran Imagine)

The First Time

TRIGGER WARNING
If suicidal thoughts, self-harm, self deprecating thoughts, self loathing, or lack of motivation make you uncomfortable in any way...PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER. You have been warned.
Also there's like a tiny bit of smut...ish not really. Like it's not graphic or anything but I wouldn't want like a 12 year old reading it you know?

After I had shown Liza the...the marks...I didn't know what to do with myself. I couldn't bring myself to talk to her again. I couldn't bring myself to eat. I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I hadn't had so much as a glass of water in two days....and I didn't care. It was as if my spirit was holding onto my will to live with a thread. I was completely detached and completely and utterly...done. I was done. The overwhelming feeling of guilt and shame felt as if the weight of the world was pushing on my chest. The feeling was so real and so intense that I found it hard to breathe at times. But in the afternoon of my second day of nothingness, Liza came to save me.
I was staring at the ceiling of our bedroom thinking nothing...Feeling nothing, when Liza came into the room. She had on my sweatshirt. She walked daintily over to the bed where I was laying and brushed her fingers over my face.
"Hey...baby." She said.
I could tell it was hard for her to speak. She was choking back a sob, thinking I wouldn't realize how much pain I was causing her. I would never hurt her, but no matter what I did I couldn't snap out of it.
"Hey..." She said, climbing on the bed and straddling my waist so I could see her.
I couldn't make my lips move. I couldn't feel anything.
"Hey Ed...I um...I made you..." her voice cracked and she began to cry. "I made you chocolate cake. I know you love it. I thought it could make you feel better," She said sobbing and stroking my face.
"I've tried to get you out of bed for almost three days Ed. Can you hear me? Can you see me? You won't respond. Ed I'm scared. I don't know who I should call to help get you better. I love you baby.." she choked.
The pain was overwhelming. Along with the guilt and doubt that hurt so much it was physically crushing my lungs, my wife was in pain...because of me. I needed to stop. I needed to get out of this trance. I need to fight. And suddenly I did. I reached up to Liza's beautiful face and wiped away her tears.
"I'm sorry, Love. I'm so sorry." I groaned out, "I love you so much Liza. I'm so sorry I did this to you."
She laughed into her crying.
"It's okay, Ed. It's okay don't worry about me. I love you too."
My hand was resting on her cheek. She placed her delicate hand on top of mine.
"Why don't you come downstairs and eat baby." She smiled.
She stepped down from our bed and helped me up. I was weak, so her small frame had to find a way to support my body weight in order to help me down the stairs. I presume we looked ridiculous.
She told me how much she loved me and supported me about a thousand times while delivering me slice after slice of chocolate cake.

Later we went to the tattoo shop to darken the designs on my upper body in attempt to hide the scars. It worked fairly well besides the fact that Liza was laughing at me while I yelped at the needle.
We took a walk along the countryside before heading back home. When I opened the front door and held it for her, she paused halfway through the living room. She quickly spun around on her heal and looked at me seriously. I was a bit taken aback at her quick change in mood based on her facial expression. I closed the door behind me whilst her still looking at me. I looked at her skeptically.
"Love, are you-" I began.
"Would you like to have a baby?" She asked suddenly.
I was completely taken aback at the question. We had never talked about it before, but I know she had told me I was good with kids before. I would love to have a child. I've always wanted to be a father. But we had never had...well we'd never had sex.
"Love," I began walking to her.
I took both of her hands in mine and brushed her hair behind her ear. She smiled.
"I love you with every ounce of my being. There is nothing you can't do, and there is nothing I wouldn't do as long as you are with me. Long story short, with you...I couldn't see myself having and raising a child with anyone else."
She smiled and giggled as a tear slipped down her face. She stood up on her toes and gave me a quick kiss.
"I love you Ed." She said.

Suddenly her expression changed. Her eyes widened and so did mine. She stood back on her toes and quickly and forcefully smashed her lips against mine. I kissed back. This kiss was nothing like any kiss we've had before. It was passionate and raw. It was powerful and sweet, yet full of lust. It progressed even further. The kiss became more intense as I inserted my tongue into her mouth. Our tongues and lips collided aggressively and both of us fought for dominance in the kiss. I slipped my hand down her leg and raised it to my hip. She jumped onto my waist so that her legs were around me. The kiss progressively getting more passionate, I walked through the living room and up the stairs to our bedroom. Once we got to the bed, I placed her on it and she looked deep into my eyes.
"I love you." She whispered.
"I love you too Elizabeth."

It was the best I'd ever had. It wasn't just...it was really making love. I had never felt closer to Liza than this night. After we had finished, we curled up in bed and slept. I love her more than life itself.