More than Life Itself (an Ed Sheeran Imagine)

Emetophobia

Ed has Emetophobia. Emetophobia is a phobia that causes overwhelming, intense anxiety pertaining to vomiting. This specific phobia can also include subcategories of what causes the anxiety, including a fear of vomiting in public, a fear of seeing vomit, a fear of watching the action of vomiting or fear of being nauseated.
The one time Liza had a cold and began to throw up, Ed left the house for 3 days. When he returned, well he was a mess. Liza had taken him to therapy, but a phobia can never fully go away.
When Ed gets sick, it's a nightmare. That's why Liza is so concerned about Ed holding his stomach.
His face suddenly turned pale.
"Ed?"
His eyes bulged and he put his hand over his mouth. He stood like that for a minute before finally pulling his hand away.
He looked up at Liza, his eyes wide.
"I almost..." he started.
"I know. I know." Liza said as she hugged him.
She frantically grabbed at his hands and looked up at his face. He seemed alright. But he was just holding it in in front of Liza.

"Now I'm going to call the studio and say you're sick ok?"
Ed nodded his head, staring at the floor.
"Come on." Liza said as she walked him upstairs.

Liza tucked him into bed and looked at him worried.
"I'll be right back." She said.
Liza went into the kitchen and made Ed some soup.
When she came back to their room, she almost dropped the bowl.
Ed was screaming into his pillow, ripping at his hair. He was thrashing all around and finally pulled his scrunched up face away from the pillow.
"FUCK!" He screamed.
His voice was straining as hard as it possibly could.
"Ed! Oh my god!" Liza screamed above him as she set the bowl on the nightstand.
"Ed! Ed!" Liza screamed as she ran and threw herself on the bed.
She was grabbing at his hands and screaming for him to stop. His cursing and yelling continued.
"Ed! ED! EDWARD CHRISTOPHER SHEERAN! Ed control yourself, you need to stop! Ed!" Liza began to break down crying at the sight of him.
He suddenly gasped and began to cough. He turned his face away from the ceiling and leaned over the bed.
Oh no, no please don't throw up. Liza thought.
He started coughing harder. As he was leaned over the bed, one of his hands frantically reached back for Liza, grabbing at her shirt.
Oh no. It's gonna happen this time.
Liza knew Ed had never actually thrown up before and she knew how bad he was just feeling nauseous or seeing someone else do it. She held his struggling hand in both of hers and waited.
He continued to cough, "Liza help!" He gargled.
Here it comes.

Liza looked away as he vomited all over the floor.
After a few seconds she opened her eyes and turned her head towards him. His eyes were squinted shut.
"Ed...you're ok come here." Liza said quietly.
He released her hand and turned completely away from her, sitting on the edge of the bed.
He opened one eye and looked on the floor.
"Ed..."
He drew in a sharp breath.
Ed began to tense up and felt a sharp wave of panic overcome him. His breathing began to quicken and became more rapid and shallow. His thoughts were accelerating inside his head. He wanted them to slow so he could breathe, but they didn't. His breathing began to come in sharp, quick gasps and he begins to feel as though he will black out. His heart was hammering inside his chest. The room spins as he stands up and collapses to the floor. His eyes held the look of a frightened horse and Liza watched as he curled into a ball. He tried to even his breathing but found it impossible. His vision began to dim and he screamed. He was rocking back and forth. He couldn't hear or see anything around him.
"Liza" he gasped.
Liza sprang to her feet and ran over him, sliding on her knees across the wood floor. He continued to scream and convulse as the panic attack worsened.
"Ed! Ed! You're ok! You're gonna be ok! Calm down!" She sobbed.
Thousands of thoughts went through his head; too fast to understand.
Not good enough, no one loves you, she's in for the money, you're blind, you're deaf, you're dying, you're dying, you're dying, you are dying, Dying, DYING, DYING.
He screamed until his throat bled and he spat up blood.
"Ed please. Please stop." Liza begged, choking the words out through her tears.
Ed continued to scream and shake and Liza let go of him and tilted her head up the the ceiling, shut her eyes, and cried. For ten minutes it was like this until she noticed Ed's screaming diminish and breathing slow.
He brought his clenched fists from his head and opened his eyes. He looked at his hands and opened them, tufts of his orange hair fell from them.
Liza was about 3 feet away from Ed and her face was contorted into one of deep sadness and woe. Ed lifted his head up to meet her eyes and his lip quivered.
"I'm sorry I scared you love." He said, his voice barely a whisper.
Liza looked at him. He was shaking and looked completely drained. His eyes were puffy and swollen from crying. And his lips were stained red at the edges. He quickly hung his head and sobbed. Liza moved closer to Ed and put her arms around him.
"I hate myself." He said.
Liza's eyes widened and she looked at his face.
"Ed, are you serious?"
He looked up at her and put his hands down.
"I hate...this. I hate that I act like this over some stupid little...agh." He sighed and hung his head.
"It's ok...you can't control it. It's not your fault."
"It's not alright Liza. It frightens you...and me...and I can't deal with it."
"You need to relax. It's over now." Liza said taking his hands in hers.
"Here," She said standing up.
She walked over to the nightstand and grabbed the bowl of soup.
"Eat this."
Ed's eyes widened and a look of shock came over him.
"Are you...? Liza, I can't eat that! Did you not see what has happened I..." his breathing quickened and he pushed himself up against the wall.
Liza put the bowl down and ran to him.
"Ed calm down you don't have to eat it. Go downstairs hun."

After Ed went downstairs, Liza cleaned up the mess on the floor. Right when she was throwing all the towels away, he heard the sound again. She rushed downstairs as fast as she could.
"Ed?!"
He was bent over the sink and suddenly lurched. He threw up nonstop for almost an hour and he was sobbing uncontrollably.

After he was done he fussed.
"Liza help me." He whimpered.
"What do you need baby?" She asked.
"Just help me." He said pitifully.
She frowned at him.
"Liza," he was growing impatient, "please please help me." He begged.
"What do you need Ed?"
"Liza just fix me!" He shouted. "Make it stop!"
Liza was starting to think that this illness wasn't just from lack of sleep and stress.
After his third panic attack, Liza asked,
"Ed, can you tell me what hurts?"
"Ah!" He croaked clutching his stomach with both hands.
"Ed?!" Liza said concerned.
"Mmm...my stomach hurts love." He groaned through gritted teeth, his eyes closed, and his brows pinched together in pain.
"Where?" Liza asked.
A moment later, His eyes flew open wide as he leaned over to hurl. Only...nothing came out. He sat, dry heaving for the next 20 minutes before another panic attack began.
"Here." He said, pointing to his lower abdomen.
I hope it's not his appendix.
It was now 7:00 in the morning. He had come home at 12:00.
Ed stood up and walked up the stairs, groaning in pain. Liza followed.
"Baby where are you going?"
Ed whipped himself around to look at Liza.
"Stay down here." He said sternly.
"Ed no you need help."
"I said stay down here damnit!" He shouted.
Then he collapsed at the top of the stairs.
Liza ran to him.
"I'm alright love." He whispered.
"No Ed you are most definitely not alright." She left his side to call a hospital.
A few minutes later they were in the car and Ed was scratching at his skin vigorously.
"Ed stop!" Liza said pulling his hand away.
"Stop." He said going back to scratching.
"Ed stop! You're bleeding for gods sake!"
"I'm a grown man! I don't have to..." he stopped and did his 'scrunchy face' and held his stomach.
Liza looked over and saw him as his eyes began to tear up.
"Awww Ed." Liza sad sorrowfully.
They pulled into the hospital parking lot and walked inside.
____________________________________

"Miss Elizabeth may I speak with you outside?" The doctor asked.
"Yes of course." Liza said trying to hide the nervousness in her voice.
"I'll be back Teddy." She whispered to him, kissing his cheek.
They stepped out into the hallway and the doctor looked at her.
"The X-rays...um they're not good." The doctor announced.
Liza's smile fell from her face and her hope vanished.
"His appendix has burst and we're going to need to operate immediately. The surgery is...it's an emergency Miss."
"Oh ok well I'll leave you to it."
"Um I'm afraid you may not know the risks of this surgery."
"What?"
"Only about 73% of our patients survive it ma'am."
"Oh. So is there anything else you can do?" Liza asked hopefully.
"I'm afraid not miss."
"Oh ok." Her voice broke on the last word.
"You may want to...wish him well."
Liza knew what he meant.

As she walked into the room alone, she started to cry.
"What's wrong love?" Ed asked weakly.
"You're gonna be ok Teddy, you're strong."
"Are you telling that to me or yourself?" He asked. "What did the doctor tell you?"
"He...he said that only 75% of patients survived the surgery."
"What surgery?!"
"Ed it's just a surgery, they give you anesthesia."
"Anesthesia makes you nauseous Liza!" He shouted, "Don't let them do it! Don't let them!"
"Miss..." the doctor said. "It's time."
The doctors shoved Liza out of the way as Ed was screaming for her help.
"I love you!" She shouted.
She swore she could feel her heart shatter into a million pieces.