BL One Shots & Imagines

If You Love Me Let Me Go...

If you love me, let me go...
- Tew × Day
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Day PoV

I just walked out of the doctor's office, this was supposed to be a regular check-up, but it turned out much worse. I just got the message that my brain tumour was much more progressed than they initially thought. I was devastated as to the fact that I have just started to fall in love with someone. I just don't want to hurt him like that. I think he dislike me anyway so what’s the point, his name is P’Tew and he is my senior. Just being around him makes me nervous and I don’t really know what to do anymore because all I want is for him to be happy. And it makes me sad to know that I can’t be the one who makes him happy.

The doctor told me that I only had a few more months to live and estimated it to be around 3-4 months left. I didn’t want P’Tew to know that, I didn’t really want anyone to know that. If anyone found out that I was going to die they would just look at me with pity, and I didn’t want anyone to pity me. I went home, because I didn’t really feel like going to the university today. It was like as if the trip to the doctors office had drained me from the energy I had left. I was already tired.

As I sat down in my dorm room I started thinking about how my life could have been if I didn’t have the tumour. How I might would have confessed my feelings to P'Tew or how I could have had fun with my friends. I might would have a great day for once, but in reality I was too tired to go out with anyone, I was too scared to get emotionally attached to anyone because I don’t want to hurt them when I die. I might seem like a coward but I know how much it hurts to see someone I love die, and I don’t want anyone else to experience that.

*** a few weeks pass ***

I have been missing a lot of school the last 3 weeks. I’ve been too tired and today I tried to go. But I went home around lunch when I started throwing up and I was starting to get dizzy because I was trying to hard to keep up with everything around me. On my way home I quite literally bumped into P’Tew, I was actually too dizzy to notice him and by the looks of it he didn’t really watch where he was walking either. Oh shit! I thought as he saw it was me and saw how run down and tired I looked. I bet my eyes were sunken into my skull and I know that I looked pale as a sheet. “Oh my God, Day are you okay? Never mind I can’t see you’re not. Here let me help you get home okay. I won’t allow you to attend school like this.”

Then P’Tew followed me home and helped me get to my bed in one piece, where I almost immediately collapsed on top of the sheets feeling like I don’t even have the strength to get up again. I ended up staying in bed for the next 2 weeks. During lunch and dinner times P’Tew would stop by to make sure I was okay, but I was faking it saying that I was feeling better or that it wasn’t that bad. However I think he could see through the lie as when I yet again was throwing up when he came at the end of the second week. He put his foot down and demanded that he would take me to the hospital. He said he hated seeing me like this and I didn’t feel like I was given a choice.

Tew PoV

I took him to the hospital and when we were there he looked at me and said that he wanted me to go back to the school to finish my classes. I still had a few rapports to finish up before I could graduate and he didn’t want me to fail because of him. After staying with him a little longer, just because I really didn’t want to leave him alone like this, I had to go back.

The next few days felt like hell, I was busy and by the time I left the faculty building it was too late to go visit Dayat the hospital. However he hadn’t tried to call me or text me so I was starting to get worried. I decided that no matter what. I had to go visit him and make sure he was okay. Therefore as soon as I finished my class I told the other hazers that I couldn’t stay behind with them today, I had somewhere else to be.

I arrived at the hospital around 5 in the afternoon. And went up to the information desk to ask for Day’s room number. Already when I told the receptionist the name she looked at me with sad eyes and then told me to wait for Day’s doctor to come down. I knew something was wrong, something had happened to him.

“Hello, are you Tew? I’m Day’s doctor. Tee Jaruji.”

“Hey, can I ask you why you want to talk to me here. When can I go see Daythere’s something important I want to talk to him about.”

“I’m sorry, but you won’t be able to see him. Day died this morning. And he told me that he wanted me to give you this.”

Dr.Jaruji handed me an envelope, but I didn’t have the strength to open it. He was dead, I was going to tell him how I felt about him and now he was dead. What kind of sick reality is this? Why him? Why now? With shaking hands I looked down at the envelope. I had tears running down my face but I didn’t even care. I opened the envelope and found a letter. There were also something else in the envelope but I decided to read the letter first, and it said.

“Dear P’Tew, if you’re reading this. I’m already dead. I want you to know that what happened to me wasn’t anyone’s fault. I knew this was going to happen anyway, and I think that’s why I didn’t tell you how I truly feel about you. P’ I love you and I wish I could be there with you forever, but as long as I can live on in your heart that’s enough for me. As I said I already knew I was going to die. I knew I had a brain tumour and I just didn’t want you to be hurt because of me. But the least I can do is to give you the one thing I always wanted you to have. Therefore I will leave my gear with you along with my heart. Please take care of it for me. And please take care of yourself.

Yours always Day”

After I read the letter I was just starting in front of me. I didn’t really realize what was happening around me, but I knew that there were only one person I could call to talk to. I called P'Knott and asked him if he could come to the hospital and get me. He did come and upon seeing the state I was in he asked me straight out what happened to me. I just handed him the letter and after reading it himself he looked at me and embraced me.

“I’m so sorry, I know how much he meant to you.”

I just looked down and took Day’s gear out of the envelope. I promised myself that I would always keep it with me and I already know I won’t break that promise.

I promise you that I will always keep you in my heart, I love you Day I thought silently as I looked out of the window and on the road. Let’s say this night will probably consist of me getting drunk at P’Brights bar. Because that’s the only thing that can keep me from breaking down completely right now. I realize that P’Knott had called Kongpop and Aim when they suddenly came up to me telling me I had enough to drink for the time being.

I don’t want this, why did this happen to us. Why didn’t I tell him sooner how I feel about him. Maybe I would have been there for him. Instead of just focusing on my school work and graduation.