Clumsy

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Okay so I've been listening to this song while writing this chapter so I linked it... Also it fits so well with our Offgun couple.

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I see Gun standing a few feet away from me, he's talking to some guy... Oh wait I think I've seen them together before.

I can feel the heat rising in my body and unconsciously take a few steps closer to maybe hear something of their conversation.

My hands change into fists, I don't know why I feel this way... Maybe it's because Gun seem so close to this guy, or maybe I just don't want to share Gun with anyone else.

As I go a little closer I can hear Gun talk. I can't understand entirely what they're saying but I try my best to make out the words.

"... I don't know... P'Arm, maybe it's because of what happened that time or maybe not but... I don't think I have the courage to tell him... He deserves to know... I mean he's probably my best friend a d I think I might like him as more than a friend but, I already have a hard time because of my philophobia... I don't think most people understand that this isn't just a fear of rejection... It's a fear of getting emotionally involved with anyone... And I'm in deep shit with my mind because I'm terrified of the feelings I have for this amazing and caring person... I want to be able to heal but I'm scared.. And besides even if I let myself love him... There's still the possibility of him leaving me... Or that he simply doesn't like me... "

Was it me Gun was talking about? Did I do something wrong? And wait... Is he really in love with me?

After hiding for a good 15 minutes, I walk towards him, take him by the hand and continue walking... I don't want to hear his protests because I already know that this is the only way I can talk to him about this...

I drag him with me to my car, and cage him between me and the door.

"Gun... I-I need you to know something... I'm sorry... I'm really sorry for keep bothering you... I keep pulling you close but I always end up pushing you away again... I don't know why I do this... I guess I'm just trying to say that... I.."

Smack..

Gun slapped me across my face. I look to the ground.. I should have listened to him when he said that he had a fragile heart...

"I'm sorry... Gun... Forgive me..."

I have never been in love with anyone before...this feeling... It seems like it's making me so damn awkward and clumsily try to do everything right... I really need him to know that I only want the best for him...

"Damn you P'Off... You're not bothering me... I like being around you... I love how I can be myself with you and how comfortable I am with you... But... I need time... To be able to open up to you... Trust me okay...i want to be able to sit down and talk to you about everything and anything... But not like this... So please... Please let me go"

Gun leaves... And I'm left alone in the parking lot... I skrewed up again... I always fail.. I know I'm a bit harsh and that I can be a bit overly protective when it comes to Gun, but I just... I love him so much...

I'm afraid this will end just like this... I sink to the ground... Tears are streaming from my eyes and I feel like I can't breathe properly...

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