The Dysfunction Of Evan: Books 1-3 Collection

1. What the Fuck?

I've never considered myself beautiful. I've never found myself to be anything other than average. I'm overweight and I have plain features. There is nothing incredible about me. People tell me I can sing well, people tell me I'd make a great actress, I'm told I've got a lot to offer the world. Yeah. Sure. 

So, tell me why I went to a major film audition in January. I must have been crazy. A total loon. Tell me again how I landed the role of one of modern literature's favorite characters? I sure as hell can't figure it out. The casting call asked for a woman in her late 20's to early 30's. Well, I'm 29 in July. It asked for her to weigh between 230 pounds and 270 pounds. At the time, I weighed 263 pounds, now I'm 250 - yay! They also wanted someone under five foot two inches. I stand proud at exactly five foot. They said no acting experience was needed, but a strong understanding of Depression and Bi-Polar was a must. I have both, it's a bitch. 

So, after my cousin dared me, I took the day off from work, and did the stupidest thing I'd ever done, and somehow, it turned into the coolest thing I'd ever done; jury is still out on if it's the smartest thing.

The Dysfunction of Evan was written in 2012 by an anonymous author. It spent an entire year on the top of the New York Times Bestseller list, and is still in the top ten today, in 2018. It's about a woman named Evan who has struggled her whole life with mental illness, but wasn't diagnosed until after she got married. Her husband proves to be her biggest supporter as she navigates the trials of learning that she can be happy and that she can feel like a real human being. They also have things that happen that cause set backs in her treatment and it can get really dark. There's also a lot of sex; and having read the script, there'd be a lot of sex in the film as well.

So here I am today, three days from the start of filming. In two days everyone starts to arrive, and I have no clue who I'm working with. I've met the production team. Ray Jones, the director, and his wife Karri Nelson, set producer, have been here a week, prepping me and doing a few external shots before we head to LA for primary filming. They met a couple years ago working on High-Rise -when they asked if I'd heard of it, I said yes, and kind of scoffed, they already knew about me...why ask?- and have been working on this project ever since. They had both been film students at the time, this was their first funded production. This had started as an Indie film, produced by Forest Park Pictures, but about a month ago, Lion's Gate took over lead production. 

As I sat at my table eating Ramen, loathing being an adult with bills, while also pouring over the absolutely erotic comments  on a photo I'd posted of Tom Hiddleston, my celebrity obsession of several years, my phone rang.

"Hello?" I answered, mouth full of waxy, salty, noodles.

"Hey Astrid! It's Ken." Kenneth Branagh, he was famous to me for directing Thor and for playing Gildory Lockhart in Harry Potter. He was also an executive producer for the film, and had taken me under his wing the past several months, making sure I was kept in the loop.

"Hey, how's it going?" I quickly swallowed the mush in my mouth. 

"It's great. I'm getting ready to get on a plane, so I'll be out of touch for several hours, I wanted to make sure you got the cast list, the official cast announcement is coming tomorrow morning."

"Oh, I haven't checked my email yet." I put the phone on speaker. "Hang on a sec."

"Now, I know you might be overwhelmed when you see who you'll be working with, but I have every confidence that you'll fit right in. They are all very excited to work with you, and are all willing to help you out." Ken prattled as I looked through my email. I found the cast list. I glanced through it.

"I'm looking at it right now. Oh, Peter Capaldi plays my dad, that's exciting." I said aloud.

"I forgot, you watch Doctor Who."