The Dysfunction Of Evan: Books 1-3 Collection

48. Bonding

"Shh, Boyd." I said as I bounced my son. "Shh. Daddy will be home soon." 

Tom was off doing an interview with BBC Radio 2, I had it turned on in the kitchen, but Boyd was screaming too loudly to hear it. Lucy was upstairs, still sleeping. She'd fallen asleep after their seven am feeding, but not Boyd. Daddy wasn't home, daddy wasn't the one who had burped him, daddy wasn't the one holding him. I'd brought him downstairs to avoid having two screaming babies to contend with. 

"If you stop crying you can hear daddy on the radio." I pleaded. It had been a solid hour of non-stop screaming, and I hadn't heard a single word of the interview. I heard the gate alarm go off, and a minute later, the back door opened and Bobby came running in. 

He hadn't met the babies yet, he'd been staying with Emma and Jack while we adjusted to having them home. Both cats lived in hiding, only coming out when they were asleep. As Emma walked in, I gave her a pleading look. She rushed over and took Boyd. He started to settle down. 

"Thank you." I said in an exasperated tone. 

"Is he alright?" She asked.

"Yeah, he's fine. Tom's not home, so he's pissed." I leaned forward against the counter and cradled my head in my arms. "My own children don't love me." 

"That's not true. Every baby loves their mummy." Emma said, trying to consul me. 

"The only time they want me is when I'm feeding them. I'm chopped liver any other time." I felt her hand on my back and looked up at her. "Look, he even prefers you."

Boyd was calm now, gumming his hand and pulling on Emma's hair. She pulled her hair away and moved him to her other shoulder. 

"They're just used to both of you being around. It's probably confusing to them. They'll adjust, you'll see." She said with a smile. I stood up and took a deep breath. She handed me Boyd. 

"Hi, buddy." I said. He looked at me with wide eyes. I wordlessly begged him not to start crying. He stared at me for several moments, then his lip began to quiver. "It's okay, Boyd. Mommy's got you." 

As soon as I started talking, he started screaming. I gave Emma the I-told-you-so look, and she returned it with one of pity. 

"I wish I could stay and help, but I really need to get going, I've got to be to work." 

"Thanks for watching Bobby." I said as she headed towards the door. She smiled and said it wasn't a problem as she walked out the door. I looked over at Bobby, who was on the bottom step, looking highly concerned. "I promise, Bobby, they don't always scream like this." 

Bobby cocked his head and ran upstairs, presumably to hide. I wished I could hide with him, it would be at least another three hours before Tom came home, and I was already at wits end. I continued to bounce around the kitchen, hoping that he'd tire himself out. After ten minutes, I went into the living room and put him in his swing. I set it to the gentle setting, and turned on the stereo. I connected my phone and played the soundtrack for the first Harry Potter film. I turned it up so it could be heard over the screaming baby. I unclipped the baby monitor from the waist of my shorts and checked on Lucy. She was sleeping soundly. 

I collapsed on the couch and covered my face with the pillow, screaming into it. What kind of mother was I? I couldn't even comfort my own child. Why didn't he like me? What was I doing wrong? I kept screaming until I was crying. 

When I calmed down, I went over and checked his diaper. He was dry, but he was still screaming. I held him to my shoulder and started bouncing again. 

"Please, baby." I begged. "Please just stop crying." 

I was getting frustrated again, and it was quickly turning into anger. I put him back in the swing and backed away.