The Dysfunction Of Evan: Books 1-3 Collection

41. Jay and Ben

The party was in full swing. There were too many for all of us to play Cards Against Humanity on our own, so we all paired up, giving us ten teams. It had pretty much turned into a battle royal between me and Tom, and Jay and Heather. Early on in the game, Tom established that nothing was off limits. We had to respond to the black card, which said '(Blank): The new album by Taylor Swift'. As soon as we looked over our white cards, he choose a fill-in-your-own card, that said 'Confessions of a Narcissistic Drama Queen'. Which not only won, but also instantly opened him up to a lot of jokes about the summer of infamy. Several of my friends in attendance were die-hard Swifties, which made the whole thing even better.

Between the two of us, Tom and I had amassed a fairly large stack of black cards, and since we were playing till fold, it was literally a game of wits. After each round, we took breaks. Tom and I switched off on getting snacks and drinks. We were both already several drinks in, and Tom was up getting us another round.

"I'm shocked." Jay said leaning over. "I like his sense of humor. I approve."

"Good, because even if you didn't, he isn't going anywhere." I said with a smile. I picked up a Dorito from my snack plate and bit into it. "I found my lobster."

"Alright, Pheobe." Heather said with a laugh. "Speaking of, have you met her lobster?"

"Yeah, he was at my birthday party last year. Cool guy, very funny." I replied.

"Yes, I know I am." Tom said sitting down. He handed me a drink.

"The conceit runs strong with you." I joked. "Heather was asking if I'd met Paul Rudd."

I took a sip of my drink as the game started up again. Three rounds later, I had to pee. I got up at the break and dashed off.

When I came out of the bathroom, Jay was there.

"Can we have an alone minute?" He asked. I nodded, and followed him to a secluded area. He pulled me into his arms. "I'm gonna miss the fuck outta you."

He squeezed me tightly. It felt different being in his arms. Once, I found solace and love; now, I felt the remnants of what had been, an echo of familiarity. He was still my best friend, that would never change.

"I'm gonna miss you, too." I said, squeezing him back. "I'm always a text message or phone call away."

"It's not the same." He replied. "You don't belong to me, but it still feels like you do."

"Now you know how I felt for so long." I said, pulling away. "It's painful, isn't it?"

"It is." He agreed. "It feels like I'm drowning."

"It kills you slowly, drains you of every bit of energy you have." I stepped away and turned to the window behind us. "You know you're strong, but you're chained down. You can't break free, but you know you deserve better."

"I'm sorry I put you through this, Astrid." He whispered. I felt tears stinging at my eyes. "I thought you could be happy the way things were, I realize now that you'd only settled. I want you to be happy."

"Why does it feel like you're letting me go?" I asked, looking up at the moon.

"I think I have to, Astrid. Unless I can convince you stay, to leave him, I have to."

I could feel my heart breaking. This isn't what I had wanted. I turned as a single tear slipped from my eye.

"I don't want you out of my life, Jay." I said. I reached out. "You're my best friend."

"If I finally told you the answer to what you've been silently asking me, if I meant it, would it change anything?" He asked.

"What have I been silently asking you?"