The Dysfunction Of Evan: Books 1-3 Collection

40. Surprise

Tom pulled back and removed his glasses. He wiped his eyes on the sleeve of my shirt and looked at me. 

"I really need you to talk with Doctor Conway." He said softly. He put his hands around my waist and moved me off of him. "I won't be far, just down the hall."

He leaned over and kissed my forehead. I grabbed the tail of his belt. 

"Please stay." I said.

"Do you promise to talk to her?"

"Yes." I said. "I just want you here." 

He nodded and walked over to the door. He opened it and called down the hallway.

"Doctor Conway, she's ready to talk." He said. I heard her say she'd be in shortly, and Tom closed the door and came back to the couch. He sat back down and I curled up next to him. 

He was proud of me. He wasn't angry that I was feeling this way, and he was proud of me. The warmth I felt when he said those words was spreading through me. He was right, I didn't want to die, not really. I just wanted the pain to go away, to not feel so cold. Tom brought me a comfort I didn't know I needed. I'd always been scared to reach out, because I was always told I just wanted attention. I was always told there was nothing wrong with me and to grow up. I was ignored. 

He didn't ignore me, he understood that I was in pain. He believed me, and he took care of me. When I cut myself, he'd been mad; not because I was depressed, but because I didn't say anything. He was angry at me for acting out, not for why I acted out. He understood, and all he wanted was for me to understand how important I am to him. 

I talked about my own parallels to Evan with Doctor Conway, I told her what her letter had triggered. For the first time in my life, I talked about how painful it was, how dark and cold it was. I finally talked about my darkest dreams, the nightmares that have plagued me since before I could remember. I talked about Marcus, about my father and step-mother. I finally talked about my mom. How much I missed her, how much I just wanted to see her and hold her in my arms, to feel her warmth. 

As I spoke about my mom, Tom pulled me back in his lap. His warmth embracing me. It felt familiar. I knew this warmth. It suddenly dawned on me. The pull I felt to do the movie, it was my mom. The comfort and warmth that Tom radiated, it was her. She made this happen, she brought us together. 

"Astrid, are you alright?" Doctor Conway asked. I had gone silent, and probably had an interesting look on my face as everything clicked into place. 

"I'm fine. In fact, I feel peaceful." I said. I had discussed my religious and spiritual beliefs with her before, and I'd mentioned how I'd felt disconnected from my mom for the past several years. I'd discussed it with Tom, as well. Both had welcomed my beliefs with open arms. 

"Would you care to share?" She asked. I told her about the conversation Tom and I had had while she was out of the room. 

"I'm important to Tom." I said. "He's not angry because I'm sick, he's angry because of how act out." 

"Well, duh." Tom said knocking his head against mine. 

"There's more." I said. "When you said you were proud of me, it was like, a door opened, and everything I felt was missing came flooding in. Like, it was all just waiting for that moment; for me to realize that I was something to someone."

"Astrid, a lot of people care about you." He said. "You are something to a lot of people." 

"I know, but it always felt like there was a reason for it. There is no reason for me to be important to you, none at all. We aren't family, we didn't build a friendship. We literally went from strangers to lovers in the course of three weeks.