The Dysfunction Of Evan: Books 1-3 Collection

56. Amends

I couldn't sleep. I'd had spent the last six hours tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable or shut my brain off. I was reeling. In a few short hours, Tom would be here. I hadn't spoken to him since the day in Doctor Clearborne's office when I told him about the drastic change I wanted to make in my treatment. He'd said all of fifteen words to me. 'What's your idea?' 'That sounds good.' 'Yes, I'll tell her.' and 'Astrid, I do love you.' 

His tone had been strained, like he was holding back what he'd really wanted to say, and it left me crestfallen. I knew he was angry. He didn't have to tell me. It was in his tone of voice, in his refusal to talk to me. I was being punished, and I deserved it. 

Oddly, his attitude towards me wasn't my motivation for wanting to get better. Now, I was mad at him for letting me get this bad. For knowing something was wrong and not forcing me to see it. I was angry at him for being angry at me. Frannie said it was natural, but I needed to understand that it isn't Tom's job to fix me. He's my husband, not my keeper. 

As sunlight started to brighten my room, I gave up on sleep. I staggered out to the day room and curled up on one of the couches. One of the night aides, Victoria, came over. 

"Good morning, Astrid." She said with a yawn. I waved at her. 

"I was talking to Beatrice, and we thought maybe you'd like to go to the airport and meet Tom?" She inquired. I shook my head. I didn't know what kind of mood he'd be in. I'd rather wait here. 

"I didn't sleep last night." I said. "Besides, I need to shower and do laundry before he gets here." I said. 

"Alright. Would you like breakfast?" She asked. 

"I guess I should eat." I said with a tired smile. 

"Scale of one to ten, how hungry are you?" She asked brightly. 

"Uh, a two." I replied. She raised her eyebrows at me. "I'm nervous about Tom being here." 

"Ahh. I can understand that. I guess-" She was cut off by the phone. "I'll be right back." 

She turned and rushed back tot he desk. I watched her. She was one of my favorites aides, she was short and squat, with lime green hair and spiderweb tattoos. We had bonded over rock music and horror films. As she spoke on the phone, she looked over at me with a smile. 

"So, go jump in the shower quick, and I'll get your laundry started. I can't promise it'll be done in thirty minutes, but at least it'll be started." She said as she walked back over. I gave her a quizzical look. "He managed to get an earlier flight, he wanted to come early and surprise you with breakfast." 

"Wait, he's coming now?" I said jumping up. "He's not supposed to be here until this evening! I'm not even close to ready!" 

"Calm down, Astrid. You'll be fine." 

"No! I need to shower, do my hair, try to find something clean to put on. I need to do my make up! I need to have my morning appointment with Frannie. I need to-" 

"Astrid." She came over and put her hands on my shoulders. "Astrid, take a deep breath." 

I did. I felt tears in my eyes as the anxiety built up.  

"Can you please call him back and ask him to wait a few more hours?" I begged. 

"Oh, Astrid." She pulled me into a hug. "He sounded really excited to be surprising you." 

"Please? I'm not ready." I asked again. She patted my back gently. 

"How much time do you want?" She asked as she pulled away.