happenings

hais

7/4/18 -

who knew getting into a relationship was so complicated?? alright story time to clear things up, this guy dm-ed me on instagram and we got to know each other yada - yada - yada. 6 months later i decided to lyric prank him with Shawn's new song 'Mutual' and until it led to giving him false hope to him asking me if i wanted to be his girlfriend. but i didn't even a slight bit feel anything towards him but that stupid teenage ass of mine decided to give it a shot; i mean everyone deserves a chance am i right? and then school reopens and the two of us have the busiest of schedules because sec 4 life is just a roller coaster ( sec 4 is basically year 4 in high school ) and i'm still hesitant with everything you do that involved him. and the day comes where we fight because i was supposed to meet up with him but got held up by my friends and i had to be home. and he asks me what i want the relationship to become and i just dropped the bomb. i have not gotten over my ex 4 months ago who was the definition of the best boyfriend; joking like best friends, argues like husband and wife and loves each other like high school sweethearts. yeah its hard, but still i gave him the benefit of the doubt.

there's nothing wrong with giving things a chance to happen, but is it really right if i'm not following your heart? especially if i have someone perfect in your perspective to compare him to, i know i'm gonna get disappointed some day. they said we should always follow our heart, but what about in situations like these? my ex is long gone, he's not coming back and you know it, but yet the thought of him lingers in my mind like deodorant. my heart, it still belongs to him, i know it, but another is waiting for it. should i really take the shot and risk my heart getting broken again? i honestly don't know, i'm confused. he's nice and everything, and i really really want to give him a chance, but the past still pulls me back, haunting me time and again. it just sucks.