happenings

solitude & loneliness

7/8/18-

have you ever felt like you've got no one? both physically and mentally. but that's not exactly how i feel; i'm not living in solitude, i've got the best family and friends that i could ever ask for but emotionally and mentally speaking, i'm alone. even if i have friends whom i can trust, i don't think i could ever completely open up to them because i'm afraid that they'll judge who i am. that's how i've felt for awhile now. remember the guy i mentioned in the previous chapter? the one i'm trying my hardest to forget, but its just so hard. he made me feel something that no one could ever do, he was the missing puzzle piece, he made me feel worthy and never made me feel alone. he understood me and was just there for me every step of the way. he's been gone for awhile now which probably explains why i'm feeling the way i do right now. his absence makes me desire for what he gave me more and more each passing day, which also probably explains why i still can't get over him. i have a pretty average group of friends, but there's only two whom i know i can trust to help me out, but then again, they're not the ones who i can tell everything to, not the ones who will always always be there. solitude is different from loneliness in my opinion, solitude is something we choose to have, and it doesn't hurt to have it every once in a while, but loneliness, we can't choose, it just comes to us. and loneliness is also the one that hurts the most, it just comes, with no warning, no anything. and people can't really see it if you're lonely, physically speaking, yes they will, but inside? they don't. sometimes we just surround ourselves with the people we love just to distract ourselves from the feeling of loneliness; and that feeling, its the one that causes us to want someone. and this might lead to situations we would not want; lust and others, loneliness causes them. and i know of a few people who actually fall in these situations and if you're one reading this, just know that if ever you'll need anyone, my dms are always open. always.