happenings

broken friendships

5/21/19 - 

okay, i know, another update for the same day, but ok. 

i ended a friendship today. not that it should be of any of your concern but just to let you know why the title was that. 

if you've been an active reader of this story about my life, you'll probably be familiar of me talking about my homie whom i've been friends with since i was in secondary 1. we were internet best friends; we told each other everything, i trusted him more than i did in anyone. just that, after a year, i guess he stopped putting in as much effort. he'd stop talking to me and tell me he's busy with school and work, i'll over-react my stupid ass and end up forgiving him anyways, then we'll become best friends again. 

this was a cycle that lasted for 3 years.  

many people advised me to let it go. but me being the stubborn ass i am, i refused. i just couldn't let go of the only person who made me feel that there was something worth it in life, even when the whole world was against you. that it didn't matter if you couldn't be with each other physically;  internet friendships are better than you could ever imagine.

this year, i tried to move on, to let everything that happened slide, and i did. on April Fools, i talked to him like nothing happened. i gave it one last shot. one month and three weeks later, he still hasn't sent me a text of any sort. i honestly felt really betrayed. 

i talked it out with a friend, cried for a night or two. two days later, i texted him, explaining why i did what i wanted to do, wanting us to end on good terms. he didn't reply me though. 

- 

it's been almost two weeks since i did that. not gonna lie, it still hurts. but what can i do? what's done is done. 

on the contrary, i feel better than i ever have. my friends have been really supportive of me, and i am so grateful for that. 

similarly, many of you may be in a position where you're stuck between two really hard decisions. it took me a while, but i finally accepted what i had to do. 

never settle for anything, or anyone, who makes you feel like what you do is never enough. 

sometimes i think about it and feel that its my fault, maybe if i was more understanding of him, things would still be in tact today. but he made me realize something. actions always speak louder than words. no matter how many times somebody tells you how much you mean to them, if they don't show it, do you really matter to them in the first place? since it was an internet friendship, all we could really do was text and call each other. if he didn't even think about texting me once in a two month frame, that just proved where i stood in his life. it became a friendship where only one of us cared, and that was me. if you're in a situation like i was, think twice, even multiple times if you have to, if what you're going to do is right. if its getting toxic, don't let it go on longer, if you do, the harder it is because eventually, it becomes normal to you to forgive him/her, even if you know what's happening isn't right. however, if you're in the situation of being the other party, if you know you're doing something wrong, don't deny it and do something. if somebody matters, make the effort. 

its true, that broken friendships hurt more than broken love. it'll take a while, but you will move on, you will be okay. 

weeks, months, years after, the memories will still be there. but why try to forget about someone that once made you feel the world? 

honestly i didn't think any of that through and just wrote what came to my mind, but i hope you get what i mean to say. to those hurting or in the process of getting over something or someone, it'll all be over soon. you'll be back to the person you were before and things will eventually be okay. if you're having troubles or need help, go to someone whom you trust, or my dms are always open. 

okay, thanks for listening to me ramble and be emo :')