1/24/19 -
it's been soooo long since i wrote, but things haven't gotten any better with my internet best friend and i. if not even worst. apparently his parents kicked him out because his grades were dropping, so now he's switching homes between his uncle and his best friend ( the one that always appeared in her stories ) we actually talked on christmas, i thought things were gonna be okay, but new year came and we sorta fought again ? 2 weeks into 2019, there was no sign and what not. i barely slept properly, i cried so much. the thought of losing him felt like a thousand pieces in me breaking, but when he finally messaged again, i didn't know what to feel, and i still don't. i know im in the wrong and immature to be blocking him, but isn't it just right to put in effort as well into a friendship ? it just hurts so much right now. i don't know how to act, how to feel ... some part of me wants to let go but another doesn't because i know when i do, i'd have nobody. i know im not in good terms with him yet again but the feeling of knowing that someone's there for you is comforting. but i know that when everything ends between us, i'd have no one. it's stupid yeah, to be afraid of being alone, and definitely a sign of weakness, which is alright i know. lol fuck i don't know anymore. people are telling me to let it go and holding onto something im losing hope of, but i can't bring myself to do it. sucks not having anyone there for you. really just does.
to anyone reading this, if you need someone to talk to, my pms are always open :")
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Sachbücherthis is a story of - rants, vents, emotional shit, my life updates, imagines, me trying to be inspirational - you never really know. i don't too. most of the time i just think of something or want to type away and post it without really thinking thr...
