A Part Of Me

XXXVI

RYDER'S POV
The panic and anxiety hasn't gone away all day.

I sat at the breakfast bar with Luke staring at my food.

"Babe, come on. You gotta eat something. You were doing so well before. You can't ruin what you got going." He said.

I started eating for him.

I could care less if the whole world was mad at me.

But I only care if he was mad at me.

I started eating small portions.

"That's my girl." He said.

I gave him a weak smile as I tried to finish my food.

I ended up eating half of it.

"Luke I still can't eat very big portions." I said.

"It's okay, baby. We'll just try again tomorrow." He said kissing the side of my head and taking my plate away.

I still feel guilty that he might've lost his best friend because of me.

I can't help but think it's all my fault.

If I had never showed up to his meet and greet everything would've been fine.

Granted I wouldn't be who I am and I'd still have pretty bad anorexia...

But he'd still be happy.

He'd still have all his friends.

Hell, he'd probably end up with Margarita.

Then everyone wins.

Except for me.

But that's okay because I'm used to it.

We sat on the couch and watched Netflix for a while.

He looked over at me and saw me yawning.

"Come on, angel. Let's go to bed." He said as we walked to the bedroom.

"Goodnight, babe. I love you." He said kissing me.

"I love you more." I said as I laid on his chest.

During the night, I heard the voices creep back into my head.

You're the reason why Luke lost his best friend

You're why no one likes you

Luke pitys you

You actually think he loves you

He feels sorry that you're anorexic

You're why he's stuck with a disgusting bitch for the rest of his life

He'll never leave because you're too "fragile"

"Enough!" I yelled sitting up and crying.

"Babe what's wrong?" Luke asked sitting up and hugging me.

I cried into his shirtless chest.

"What happened?" He asked again.

"Please don't leave me. I can't do this anymore." I cried.

"I won't ever leave you. Now please just tell me what happened." He said.

"The voices. They said I'm the reason why you lost all your friends and your friendship with Mikey." I cried.

"You listen to me. That is not true. They obviously can't handle the idea of me being in love with someone else. And as for Mikey, it was obvious to me that he cares about his girlfriend more than me so I obviously care more about you than him. I love you so much. You're everything I dreamed of. I'm never ever letting go of you." He said holding me.