Thaw

When walls come crashing down.

The next day at lunch.

"So... explain what yesterday was," Collin asked as soon as me and Jasmine sat down at the table.

"What're you talking about?" I replied.

"You know, the big Suv that picked you up, the one with stark industries written on it." He questioned. Crap. I thought I was in the clear about that but apparently not.

"Oh, uh. My grandpa works for them." I'd practiced the lie many times but I still slipped up.

"Uh huh. And what about the bodyguard looking guy?" Damn you Happy, you just had to roll down the window like that! Now I was being forced to lie about it.

"He's a coworker and close friend. He was in the area." I shrugged poking at my food.

"Mhm... alright.." He still looked a bit skeptical but let it go when Carter brought up a basketball game that happened yesterday.

"Holy crap! That's a huge stone." Grace grabbed my hand and inspected the ring Tony gave to me.

"Haha yea.."

"What was the occasion? This looks expensive enough to be a wedding ring!" She exclaimed.

"Uhm, it was, my moms." I quickly came up with something, it's not exactly a ring you'd receive for your birthday and I couldn't just tell them a billionaire wanted to know where I was at all times. So that was the best I could come up with on the spot.

"It's beautiful," Grace said and let go.

"Yes, it is isn't it..." I said admiring it for myself.

(Later that Night at 3 am)

I saw syringes, I saw blood. I heard screams, some belonging to me, some of those unknown. I saw the wires, the cuffs, the chair. The harsh lights, the smell of iodoform and alcohol. The shattered glass. All I could hear was A deafening ringing. I saw and heard the day I broke. The day I betrayed myself. I tried to end it that day. I tried to use my abilities on myself. What happens when you can no longer depend on yourself? What happens to your mind, when you look in the mirror and no longer see the same person you woke up as everyday? Insanity? Perhaps.

I spent every second since that day dedicating my life to books and studying. Focusing on something other than the events that occurred that day. Pushing it to the darkest corner of the human brain. Burying it with stories and theories. I tried my very best to forget it all, just to have it all thrown back at me in one night. It took me 5 years to forget, but 1 hour to make me remember.

When I left the lab, I knew for a fact that it couldn't be that simple. I couldn't just forget the place I spent my whole life, the place id dread to wake up in even though I knew I would, over and over, id repeat the same day again. I couldn't pretend that everything was alright because the truth is, it wasn't. And I knew that, I knew that when I pushed it all away or at least tried to.

It worked. Goddamnit, it worked.

I was happy. I let myself be happy with people that my life literally rested in. That day finally came crashing down on me when I finally felt happiness... Long overdue.

The ringing stopped and all I could hear was my own heart pound in my chest. I couldn't move. I can't move. I can't breathe. A lump began to form as I tried to scream for help, but all that would escape was a pathetic choke. It was as if someone had placed a weight on my chest and was pushing down with all their might. I was awake, but my body refused to work. I felt tears running down my cheeks as I remembered what caused me to wake up. I remembered, all of it. I shot up from the bed as if the spell that had bound me was released. I clutched my chest as I wheezed in lost air. I sat there sobbing silently and blindly searched for my phone. I didn't think of what I was doing as I dialed Tony's number my vision blurry from tears.

"Astrid? Its 3 am." His voice was groggy from sleep.

"T-tony, I- " I started to hiccup.

"What's wrong?"

I remembered the day perfectly, the blood, oh god the blood.

"Stay where you are, I'm coming to get you." Then the line went dead.