So Long, Happ-inez-ss (Jacksepticeye Fanfiction)

Chapter 17 : Sean - Where Are You Now?

I can't do this, I can't fucking do this. I really need to talk to Sally right now, I can wait anymore. I wak to backyard where I thought she would be, and there she is with a cooking book in her hands and with glasses on.

"Hey, may I help you Sir?" She said, looked up to me and put away her book

"Yes, actually. I want to talk" I said, sit right in front of her

"Okay?"

"Do you still.......like...you know" I play with the end of my shirt, I cannot see her face even I wanted to.

"You know, you can talk to me about anything, Sean" She said, put her hands on mine and kiss it. Ah fuck it.

"Do you still maybe.....love me?" I asked, so quite almost like a whisper

"Why would you even ask?" She asked me back, stil hold my hands

"I don't know. I'm kinda fucked up lately, my brain can't think straight" I admit

"And why is that happen? Somethings about me bother you?" She asked, I shook my head violently

"It's not like that, you're doing nothing wrong. It's just me being a dick" I said, look down to our hands, I really want to tell her that I love her but in the same time I want Inez by my side too

"Is there someone else?" She asked, it feels like someone just stab me with the sharpest knife right on my heart. She didn't let go of my hands, still hold them tight but a little shaky now. "Be honest with yourself, Sean" She said again, kiss my hands once again and let go of it, then put her hands on her lap. I really am feel like a bad person for letting a person as sweet as Sally sad, used to do my best to keep her as away as possible to the sadness but now I'm the one who cause it. Fuck me.

"I don't know" I said, being totally honest. "It's like I don't want to lose one of you, I want both of you for my own. I can't lose you again, I mean I need you, so bad. It hurts." I continue, I look up to her face, she's not in tears, but I still can see the sadness through her eyes. "I'm sorry" I whisper to her, make sure loud enough to be heard. She smile, but the smile didn't reach her eyes and I know that time, she's really really really upset.

"It's okay, Sean. I'm sorry I can't make you feel like home so you search some other place to stay" She smile once again, and trust me it hurts as hell. Her words, her smile, herself. "But you should be honest with yourself, where's your heart want to stay." She put her hand on my cheek, wipe away the tears I didn't know that rolled down my eyes. "You know that I'll support you no matter what" She smile and kiss me on my cheek. Oh God please, I don't want to lose her again but oh how I wish I never had a doubt on her.

"I--I love you, but my mind plays trick on me" I said, "I wish I never done anything bad to you, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" I said, pull her for a hug. Why? Just why? I can feel her body shake, hold on her tears. "I'm sorry, I cause pain in your life"

She pulled away from the hug, smile just as sweet as ever "No believe me, I'm fine. I don't want to force you to continue our relationship if you can't feel like it anymore. I don't want to make you in pain"

I kissed her lips, maybe for the last time, a goodbye kiss from me before she realised how fucked up I am and then walked away from my life forever.

"You need to be responsible to your own happiness" That's the last thing she said before I saw her back leaving me alone with my own thoughts.

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My days and my nights never been this empty before. Inez and I still text each other just because she told me anything about Alex, she didn't even bother to ask how I feel right now, what I'm up to, or anything like that. She keeps talking about Alex and Alex and Alex unti I feel like wanted to punch Alex's face several times. I wanted to asked her why she can't see me as a person, I mean not like her hero from youtube or something like that. That would be nicer.

She told me that her mother told her to go to collage and she said yes to her mother. But everytime I ask her where she wanted to go to, she always said I don't know kinda thing. She's lost, isn't she?

I'm being responsible on my own happiness, I want to meet her so bad and talk about my feeling to her. Even I know about the relationship between her and Alex, but I can't take it anymore. I need to confess my feeling for her as soon as possible. But with her preparation for collage, I don't know if she can meet me anytime soon.

Sean : "Where are you now? I want to meet you, so bad"

Inez : "I can't"

Sean : "Please come over"

Inez : "I can't, Sean. I need to prepare myself for the test"

Sean : "Just a second, it won't take too long"

Inez : "What happened?"

Sean : "I need you" nah I can't say that

Sean : "I'm sad"

Inez : "Talk about it with Sally, maybe she can help you with your problems. You know, that kinda what couple do, right?"

Sean : "Please"

Inez : "I would if I could"

Sean : "Fine, but tell me as soon as you have time to talk, ok?"

Inez : "Will do"

Maybe I should wait a little longer, just a little bit longer to make myself sure about my own feeling towards Sally and Inez. I can't be in love with both of them, can I?

Just wait a little longer, I tought to myself.