It's been a month since I told Sally I need a break from our relationship.
It's been a month since I asked Inez to meet and talk.
It's been a month since I think about someone who I really love and I want to in this life.
It's been a month since I think about Inez every mornings, nights, and days.
But no one here by my side.
I'm alone.
And lonely.
Just like the old days.
Sean : "Please, I just want to talk"
Sean : "Please come over, I'm alone"
Sean : "Please"
Inez : "Fine, I'll be there in 20 minutes"
Sean : "Thank you"
No, I don't even have energy to make myself a little bit better than I am now. I'm fucked up. The circle under my eyes getting bigger and darker than the last time I meet Inez at that street. My hair probably need a hair cut and a little re-dye since the green color a start to fade away, but I don't care.
I just wait and wait until there's a little knock on my door.
"Hey" She said, with a little smile on her face. I just want to attact her face with kisses, but I know I can't. I open the door a bit wider to let her in.
"How are you?" She asked
"I never been better than now" I said, smile back at her. I really want to hug her, so I do.
"Hey, what happened?" She said, a little confused and I feel like she's unconfortable with the hug so I pulled away.
"Nothing happened"
"Then why you look like a mess?"
"I thought I lose you" I said, truthfully to her.
"Pardon me?"
"I thought I lose you" I said a little louder to make sure she heard me well
"I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. And I think about us so much" I continue, hope she won't go and leave me just yet.
"What about us?" She asked
"I--I feel like..." I cover my face with both of my hands. I can't fucking do it.
"You don't want be friend with me anymore?" She asked
"Yes"
"Wait, what?! I thought--"
That's it, I can't take it anymore. I pull her face so close to mine and put the gap between us by crashed my lips to hers. I hold her in my arms a little too close, a little too hard, with a little force. She try to push me but of course I don't let her to stop the kiss, not now at least. I don't know what's in my mind, I just want her to be with me forever and ever.
"Stop" She try to say between the kiss "Please" She said with a shaky voice then I pulled away. What the fuck am I thinking?!
"Sorry" She said, with tears on her face
"I'm....I'm sorry. I can't think straight. I'm sorry" I said, wipe away the tears from her face and I saw her flinch at my touch. Fuck me, she must be scared of me right now.
"Sally left you again?" She asked, wipe away another tears that stream down her face
"No" I said, look down at my lap. "I asked her that I need time alone"
"Are you drunk?" She asked again
"No, I'm sober as fuck. Why you even ask?"
"You usually love me when you're drunk"
That hit my brain and heart so much, too much, so hurt, I think I'm gonna die.
"What?" I asked to myself, but then she told me anything
"The first time we've met, you was drunk" She said, and of course I remember that. "Then you kissed me, just like you did seconds ago. But the difference is, I was kissed you back that time." Yes, I remember that too, and her lips didn't change even for a little. The kiss still the same, but not this time because I feel like she didn't want to. "Then you asked me to go to your place" I can't remember it clearly "Then you continue to kiss me, but that time you called me 'Sally'" She said, smile with her teary eyes.
"Why?" I shook my head "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" I feel upset, not the her, but to myself. Why am I so stupid? Why? Just why?
"I don't know. Maybe you're too drunk to have one night stand" She let a little laugh from her mouth. But still, I don't have the guts to see her face. I can't.
"Then the next day, you called me, told me that you need me. Told me to come over." She keep silence for a second, to fight back the tears.
"Then I came over, you're drunk. The next day, you didn't even remember you've called me. Maybe you were hit the wrong number" She laugh once again. I'm so dead. Why would I do that? Why even I tried to have this little talk in the first place?
"That happened when I have something for you. When I thought I can heal you and get you out off darkness, make you smile again, happy and laugh again like you used to. I thought I can be your happiness. But oh God, you don't know how wrong I am. That time when we've met at the street, you didn't know how hurt I was, how broken I was. You didn't even care" She cry, so hard, too hard.
"Remember when you text me and asked me about the guy in my video? It was you. You've broke my heart, you're the first person that completely success to broke my heart. So congratulations, Mr. McLoughin" She said, shake my hands but I still cannot look at her face. I'm ashamed.
"I'm sorry" I whisper.
"I've built a freaking wall in my heart to blocked you away. I've had Alex that patiently wait for me, but you know what's funny?" She said, put her finger on my chin to lift up my face. I look at her directly in the eyes. I'm afraid.
"You broke the wall, easily" She said "I love you that much, Sean." She said again "But you know what's even funnier?" I shook my head.
"You only love me when you're drunk. Am I your back-up plan?" She said
"No! No you're not!" I said, grab her hands on mine, hold it so tight. I'm afraid she will run away from me. I'm afraid to lose someone again.
"Then what? Maybe I'm just a fucking waste, filling up the empty space" She said, then go. Just go as soon as she can, and probably never come back or look back at me even for a second.
I regret anything I ever done in my life.
YOU ARE READING
So Long, Happ-inez-ss (Jacksepticeye Fanfiction)
Fanfiction"Hey, let's continue our conversation in my apartment" Sean said to Inez "Okay then" She said "I have to go right now" She said about an hour later, leaving Sean hanging, confused, and alone.
