babble with andie

16 // blah

{date: 7.26.2018}

//xx//

alright, so i dont even know where to start w this. so imma just ramble. lol like i always do.

but i want a change ?? like last night i was desperately wanting some big change. like i want to move somewhere. i dont know where. but like somewhere.

i want a new start.

clean.

somewhere where no one knows who the fuck i am.

ugh idk.

i feel like im sick of this life. and idk what i even mean by that.

i just want to forget about my life here and move someplace else.

i wanna see new places and meet new people and,,,,,just get out.

i feel like im trapped sometimes ??? like theres never anything new  in my life and i feel like i just need some change ?

i dont even know what im talking about.

but then again, when do i know what im talking about.

i get so distracted w everything. like where am i even going w this one.

im trying really hard to just feel like i belong ????

see, the thing is, that ive never felt like ive TRULY belonged somewhere. ive always felt misplaced somehow.

and i feel like people will just like pick other people over me ?

idk.

i feel like ive never been the 1st choice, i guess.

even w one of my best friends.

ive never been number one, you know ?

like wtf. and i really fucking hate this feeling because it just sucks.

like why cant i be your number one choice ?

why does it have to be them ?

am i not good enough like wjdksjddk

why do i keep over thinking ?

like whY ???

when will i find someone who will put me first ?

and im not even talking about it in a romantic way, just in general.

no ones put me first like im never someones day 1 A1

nope, never.

ive been here.

alone,,,,

and you know what kinda sucks too ?

i feel like i have attachment issues.

like im just afraid of everyone leaving me

like ive been holding on for too long.

idk whats wrong w me.

theres just so much that goes on in my brain.

sometimes i cant handle it.

lmao.

//xx//