Everything you knew

Chapter 4 Violet

The next morning, I was awoken by everyone running about getting ready for school. Sasha was banging on the bathroom door screaming at Amy for taking too long. This is becoming a daily routine now. I groaned and turned back over. I was not ready for this. My head was banging and I knew I wouldn't be able to stomach breakfast.

I finally crawled out of bed and opened the windows in my room. I needed fresh air and the smell in this room was making me feel even worse. I suppose it doesn't help three people having to share one bedroom. Everyone in the house has to share a bedroom if we liked it or not. We all have bunk beds, because we do not have enough room for our own beds and the house is getting so full up, we need all the room we can get.

The girls in my room aren't that bad, they are both younger than me. Emily is twelve and Charlotte is fifteen. But I try to keep myself to myself in this house. It's easier to just hide from the world. Sometimes it can be a bit difficult living in a house with ten people, but people come and go all time. There is me, Emily, Charlotte,  Amy, Sasha, Liam, Tommy and Cameron. The boys are all younger, they all attend the local elementary school.

I've been living here for a few years now and I thought it would become easier over time, but it hasn't. I've moved around a bit and this is the best place I have been. But the pain still hits me every morning I wake up in this place, but I have just learnt how to deal with it.  

I get ready for school while trying not to throw up, I suppose drinking all weekend wasn't a great idea. I help get the boys ready for school, as they cry and scream when trying to get them dressed.  Sometimes I feel like I work here instead of live here with other kids. But I knew on that day, the day I would do anything to forget, I knew that was the day I stopped being a child and had to take care of myself from then on. That's why I drink, it can help me to forget sometimes, it can numb the pain. I try not to do it often, but when in high school with kids who illegally buy all the alcohol they can and there is a different house party to go to at least twice a week, it is easy to get carried away with it all.

Whenever I get the chance to get away from this place, I take it. Even though that doesn't happen often as we have a stupid curfew like I'm a child, which I have gotten into serious trouble before for not following it. Julie and Gary are nice enough, they are the adults that live with us, but they don't realise how suffocating it can be living here.  It's hard enough losing your parents, but than having to put into a house of strangers because you have no family is excoriating. I have learnt to never get attached to anyone is this house, because they all eventually leave, they either get fostered, adopted or moved somewhere else. I've watched many kids get adopted over the seven years I've lived here, I dont take it personal I don't think I would even want to get adopted. It wouldn't feel right going home with another family and pretending to fit in there, I will never be anything but a Miller.  If I can't have my parents I don't want anyone. You never get a minute to yourself in this house. I've thought about it multiple time just packing myself up, the little I have, and just leaving. Run away from everything, this house, this town, all the memorises it holds, but I don't even know where I would go. Next year I will be free though, I will be 18 and I will be off to college and I can start my life fresh again, be a totally new person. 

Once I have finally dragged myself out of bed again, I got in the bathroom and put some clothes on I head off for school. I already know I am going to be late because I have ten minutes until the school bell and I have to walk the boys to their elementary school first. I grab hold of Tommy's and Cameron's hands to try and get their little legs to walk any faster, as we play I spy. Normal kids my age have their own car or at least their licence to drive someone else's, but you don't get that luxury being in a foster home and I definitely do not want the school bus picking me up from there.