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18.

A MONTH AGO I was still at school. I was still in a relationship with Alex the asshole. I didn't have any disease, I still had hair, I still had a future. But now that's all gone. As much as I keep telling myself and everyone around me I'll be part of the 80%, I don't know if I am. I could be part of that 20% and never even get to drink legally. Everything around me is a question.

'I big fucking question mark' I whispered to myself as I woke up from my nap. Like Winnie the pooh said; when all else fails, take a nap. And just now I felt like I was failing myself. I- for a second- couldn't find the positive in the moment, and i hate myself for that. I always find the positive, why not now.

Because you have cancer. Nothing is permanent anymore and it's fine if you are sad about that. Everyone is sad sometimes, even you.

But I'm not supposed to be, I'm supposed to be the happy girl that cheers up everyone around her. and I couldn't do that.

For how long? 5 minutes. That won't hurt you or anyone around you.

Then why did it feel like it? like I hurt everyone around me, especially mom.

Mom is just.. mom. She has support by dad, you don't need to always be there for her. right now you need to be strong for yourself and make sure you heal. You need to focus on the chemo's and healing.

'you have to do something for me and then I have 3 questions' Jack opened my door. 'oh you just woke up'

'no it's okay, can't sleep anyway' I pushed the blanket off of me and stood up. 'shoot'

'first I need you to put on warm clothes' he said an di frowned

'I need what?'

'to put on warm clothes' he pointed at my little closet 'please' he added and I rolled my eyes. I put on a hoodie over my t shirt, then a denim jacket over that, I put on my dr. martens with 2 pairs of socks.

'good' I asked and he nodded. He was also dressed in warm clothes, which made him look 8 times more fat than he was.

'so my first question is, do you trust me' he asked and I scoffed

'I kissed you, of course I do' he chuckled

'and will you follow me' he stepped closer

'where, on Instagram? I already did I think?' I look around the room to look for my phone

'no will you follow me, I'm taking you to somewhere' he laughed

'but we can't leave the floor' I frown

'let me think, let me think. Oh, I don't care' he quotes friends and I laughed

'friends'

'yes and will you follow me?' he stuck out his hand

'I will follow you anywhere' I smiled and he then walked to the door that he opened slowly. Lucky for him there was no one at the reception.

I had no idea where we're going but honestly I don't care. I trust Jack and I trust that fact that he won't put me in a closet, lock me up and kill me. His heart is too good for that.

'wait what was the third question?' I whisper as I realize he only asked me 2 questions.

'be patient' he told me and then opened the elevators

'that's not one of my strongest personal traits' I mumbled

'just wait okay' he smiled and the door closed

'yeah exactly, I'm not good at that' I tapped my foot nervously on the ground.

'why are so nervous' Jack scoffed

'maybe the fact that I have no Idea where the fuck we're going' I told him and he smiled

'maybe this will take your mind off of it' he then stepped closer to me and gave me a long kiss on my lips.

Jesus why is he always right.

He stopped when the elevator make a sound. We both smiled like fools when the doors opened. W it was on the top floor, only staff comes here, it's like the canteen for staff or something.

'why are we here?' I asked as Jack again grabbed my hand and pulled me to the stairs

'trust me' he smiled and then walked up the stairs. We ended up by a door that he opened. Behind the door was the rooftop.

He took me to the rooftop?

'wow' I gasped and walked on it. the cold breeze hit my face but I ignored it. the view form up here was amazing. On one side of the hospital was a huge forest and on the other side where millions of buildings. It was dark out which made it even more beautiful.

'you like it?' Jack grabbed the grid around the rooftop, probably so no one will fall off of it.

'I love it' I smiled wide and looked around to the most amazing view ever.

'I come here when I feel down or when I just need to clear my mind' he slowly moves closer to me.

'I get it, it's amazing' I smile when I look at him.

'you know that third question' he mumbled after a long silence

'yeah what is it' I say and he lets out a deep breath

'you know how we kissed In the chill room' he turned his whole body towards me

'yeah I remember' I chuckle

'yeah that kind of was my first kiss' he looked down

'what' I exclaim 'but how- you-'

'when I still was at school I always to busy with sports, and when I couldn't do that because of the cancer no one wanted to kiss me' he mumbles 'I mean who wants to kiss the cancer kid right?' he scoffs

'I do' I mumble and he looks up

'see' he scoffs

'what?' I frown

'you're probably the most happy, sweetest person ever. you don't care if I have cancer because you have it too. you know it's not infectious and- oh gosh this is making no sense' he goes with his hand over his face

'what do you want to say Jack' I look for eye contact

'I'm trying to poetically ask you the third question' he scoffs at himself

'I don't need poetic, I just want to know the question' I calm him down. He looks at the view and then back at me

'sunshine' he sighs 'will you be my girlfriend?'

I want this. I want this. Yes yes yes I do Jack I really do.

'look you don't want to. I know this was a bad idea' he looks down

'are you out of your mind' I exclaim 'of course I want to be your girlfriend'

'you do?' he now smiles

'of course i do' I pull him in a hug and I can feel him smile in my shoulder

'I was so scared you would say no' he mumbles

'I kissed you, I don't think I would kiss you if I didn't want to be your girlfriend' I scoff and he laughs

'I know it's stupid I just- I don't know-'

'oh please shut up and just kiss me' I cut him off and he laughs

'gladly' he then put his lips on mine.

Boy, how happy can you be?!