8 checks

26.

I NEVER THOUGHT DYING would be this hard. Yesterday I've told Brian that everything will be fine and I'll always be looking down on him. I obviously know that first nothing will be okay but in the end everything will be fine. They'll survive, they will live on just like I want them too.

Jack yesterday couldn't come because he had this welcome home party. He apologized about 8000 times over text but I told him that it was okay. He is finally home, he should enjoy that.

Of course today was a rainy day, which made the world seem sad. I've always hated the rain, it makes the world seem so dark.

I was looking out of the window, the only upside about rain was that the flowers could bloom even better.

'hey' Jack opened the door. He came even though I said that he should enjoy time with his friends.

'hey stubborn' I mumbled and he chuckled.

'how are you feeling?' he walked to the couch I was sitting on.

'please don't ask me that, so many people have asked me that' I scoffed

'okay, how much are you hating the rain right now?' he sat down and I smiled,

'a lot'.

He then leaned in to give me a kiss. I gave him that and then looked at him as he watched the rain with me.

'the rain always makes the world seem so sad' I mumbled

'no rain no flowers' he mumbled

'which movie?' I frowned

'no movie, just some stupid Pinterest quote' we botch chuckled and kept watching the rain.

it wasn't only raining, it was pouring. it was that kind of rain that even if you're outside for 0.3 seconds you would be soaked. Luckily it didn't rain that much in LA so every time It did I would just stay inside.

'you're thinking a lot' Jack mumbled and I noticed that he was staring at me

'the rain makes me think' I sighed

'about what?'

'the rain' I scoffed and he chuckled,

'heavy topic' he sarcastically said and I scoffed.

'extremely heavy' I mumbled and put my head on my arm that was on the back of the couch.

'you're beautiful you know that' Jack mumbled,

I scoffed 'sure'

'no really you are. Not only are you just fucking pretty from the outside. You're also one of the most pretty persons from the inside. You truly are happy and you actually care about people. Like when you say "how are you?" you actually want to know how they are-'

'jack' I cut him off and he looked at me

'what?' he asked with an innocent smile.

'I think we should break up' I tried to say casually but the lump in my thought wouldn't let that happen.

'excuse me?' he mumbled

'I think we should break up' I repeated myself

But why- I though what we had was real' he says confused

'jack I have cancer and there is no cure, they gave me about 2 or 3 months before I'll die. Do you think we have a future?' I told him

'we may not have a future but I just know t9phat I love you enough to stay with you for those last months' he started pointing at us. This was a sign that he was annoyed.

'and what then?' I threw my hands up 'you'll cry? because someone who you loved died?'

'maybe I will do that' he exclaimed which made me relieve a deep breath.

'look, jack, I don't want to be in the way of your happiness. Which is there by the way. I don't want to be the girl who you are to hooked up on to get over. I don't want you to not fall in love again because of me. I don't want you to tell you're future kids about me. what I want is for you to live. So we're done. You're going to live on and I'm going to die. It's just the way it is. And when I'm dead and you have a beautiful wife and lovely kids, you'll never think of me again. I'll just be a book you read years ago'.

Of course- quoted 'endless love".

'but what if I don't want that' he mumbled

'of course you want that. You're almost cancer free, you can do whatever the fuck you want' I tried to smile through the pain but I failed miserably.

'ava I don't want that. I want to be your boyfriend. we've been though everything until here, why would I stop now?'

'because you'll bet hurt' I whispered

'so what?' he exclaimed 'we all get hurt eventually' he grabbed my hands.

'I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want you to be the guy who's girlfriend died' I told him

'ava, I'm already the guy who had cancer, and who's got a girlfriend with cancer. It won't matter if "the guy with a dead girlfriend" adds to it' he smiled.

'baby I'm going to die' I said breathlessly

'in 2 or 3 months' he corrected me

'either way I'm going to die and I don't-'

'ava, I promise you that these lasts months will be the best months of your life. That bucket-list that you told me about, we'll do everything on it. even if it costs all our energy. We'll check every item on it okay'

'but I practically have no energy' I whispered

'we'll find a way to make it happen okay' I put my hand on his cheek.

'okay' I whispered,

'so what are the things?' he asked while pulling me closer to him.

'there are 8' I told him and I then looked outside.

'what?' Jack looked in the way I was looking

'come on' I stood up.

'what?' he asked again

'do you trust me?' I asked him the same question he asked me months ago

'of course I do' he also stood up,

'then follow me'.

I walked with him to the elevators that closed and brought us to the ground floor.

'What are we doing ava?' jack asked

'fulfilling my bucket list' I smiled and the elevator doors opened. I walked with to the front entrance.

The smell of rain in the summer drowned my thoughts. My mind just went blank and all I could do is smile.

'Ava what are we doing?' Jack asked again when I walked with him through the opened doors.

'you know what's on top of my bucket list?' I asked while pulling him into the rain. The cold rain drops hit our clothes.

'what?' he now smiled

'kiss in the rain' I mumbled before pressing my lips on his.

Even though the cold rain drained my hat and my clothes where sticking to my body I didn't feel cold. His body against mine made me feel warm and loved.

For a second I didn't think about dying and hurting around us.

I just thought about Jack, me and the list that we are going to fulfil.