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32.

I WENT DOWN STAIRS in the tuxedo I wore at the winter dance. The same bow tie that matches Ava's dress.

'are you ready' my mom asked

'I don't think I'll ever be ready for this' I mumble and she nods.

Ava died at 21:19 on the 23rd of April. Right in my arms, she let out her last breath. After that Nikki broke down crying and Brian hugger her while also crying. I refused to let Ava go, I cried so loud but I just never want to loose her.

The last 5 days her parents, Nikki, Brian and I planned her funeral. It is being hold in the same church that her parents got married in. not a lot of people will come, just her family, Nikki's parents, my parents and us.

My mom had on a black dress with a red belt. We asked everyone to wear something red since it was her favorite color plus he wore it to the only dance we ever attended.

I cried a lot these last days. Mostly when I laid in bed or when I was alone with Brian and Nikki. Brian and I are really good friends thanks to Ava and Nikki and I are also friends. we're there for each other and that's what we need.

When we arrived at the church I walked to Brian who was already there.

'Brian' I grab his attention because his back was turned to me.

'hey' he smiles weak when he sees me. he was also wearing a tuxedo with a red bow tie.

'are you ready to speak?' he asked and I shrugged. They asked me to say something, just like her dad and the pastor. They also asked Brian but he didn't want to and Nikki is just simply to weak.

She's completely devastated by ava's death. She cried a lot and always has red eyes. luckily we are here for her to give her a hug.

'I think I'll never be ready to speak at the funeral of my first love' I say and he nods

'god, she's dead' he said and I gave him a hug, 'my sister is dead'

We all went inside and sat down. Nikki already was there and when she saw us she gave us both a hug. We sat down, Brian next to her which is logic because they really are like brother and sister. Nikki put her head on his shoulder and clamped onto the necklace that Ava wore the day she dies. She asked if she could have it and of course she could.

Ava's mom is also broken down, the most of all. She hardly came out of her room these last days so it surprises me she even showed up. We try to be here for her but it's best if Victor is just there to comport her. eventually she'll be the old one again.

The ceremony started. I listened to the pastor who told about her life and her last days. I wiped every tear that fell down my eyes. I told myself not to cry but I failed miserably.

'so I now want to ask Jack to come up here to say something' the pastor said while looking at me. I smiled at him, stood up and walked up to the microphone.

'hello everyone' I let out a deep breath and unfolded the paper that I held in my pocket.

'first of all I'm not a poetic person, god knows I tried to be but I'm not. What I am is Ava's boyfriend, and even though she's not with us anymore I still am. She will forever have a piece of my heart.

I was with Ava the moment she let out her last breath, I still remember every second of it. I remember losing my first love, so vividly that it's almost torture.

The moment I met Ava was at her first chemo. I made her sing, which she rarely does. While she was singing I wat staring at her, I mean who wouldn't? who would not stare at a beautiful girl? I remember realizing in that moment that she was something special. That I will never meet anyone like her again. And right now I still know I never will. I am so lucky that I got to love her, and that she loved me back.

Movie quotes was our thing. Almost every day she or I would say a movie quote and the other would guess the movie. There is this movie called The Fault In Our Stars, she also gave me the book because it's her favorite. Almost at the end there is this letter, it's written by Gus and he says: You don't get to choose if you gat hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices and I hope she likes hers. Hazel- the person he's talking about- then replies: I do. Augustus. I do. And I also do, I wouldn't want anyone else to be my first love. I wouldn't want to have my heart broken by anyone else. I don't want anyone else but her, ever.

So, Ava. I know you're listening from up there, and probably crying because let's face it, you're not that emotionally stable. Ava, you are amazing and beautiful and loving and happy and so much more. There are no words that can explain how much I'll miss you and how much I want to wake up from this nightmare. But I can't so I'll just say I love you and I that I'll keep my promise and live on.

You're the Hazel to my Augustus.
The Charity to my P.T. Barnum.
The Katerina to my Patrick.
The Rachel to my Ross.
Ava you are the Rose to my Jack and that will never ever ever end.' I wiped away my tears, fold up my paper and walked to my seat.

That where my last words to her.

my last words to my first love.