Eddsworld: Stuck with their biggest enemy (Torm Fusion)

Edd - Let's destroy ~

"What in the holy name of delicious cola-?" I muttered only to be interrupted by another bottle of that disgusting alcohol drink Tom liked so much shattering beside me. Seriously? That was what they were doing to get rid of their stress now? The following days the kitchen would smell like he had one of his stupid parties. Again.

"Tom! Tord!" Matt shouted, running into the kitchen. He seemed a bit too happy about Tom and Tord fighting again. He never liked it when people were angry and yelling at him. He'd get what he deserved though. I could wait. I followed him, pushing my anger aside.

Whatever you imagine in your head, it was luckily not as bad. Mostly. The fusion in the middle of the room, grinning like a mad man while holding at least ten bottles of Tom's alcohol in their arms. There were at least two other broken bottles covering the ground. It would take ages to clean that all up and if one of us forgot to put on shoes we'd definitely step into a shard we had missed. I just knew it.

"What is going on?!" I asked, giving my most frightening death glare. Unfortunately, they weren't all that bothered. They had gotten too used to me being pissed off at them for fighting.

"Stupid - no, Jehovah's witness, the adults are talking! - Thomas just told me I can't read my hentai! I can't smoke and now I can't even read and watch my hentai either?!" They hit the table with their fist and threw another bottle on the ground. Tom was swearing while doing his best to press the rest of the bottles against their chest with the arm he had control over. It was a laughable attempt at best since Tord could pull out another one from his grasp no problem. He was just carrying too much. If he tried to fight for the bottle, he'd drop the rest.

"That's no reason to break all of my bottles, commie! Calm down! I just don't want to look at your disgusting pervert pictures! What's so bad about that?!"

"They aren't disgusting, you're just tasteless! Have you even seen one?! Or are you too pure for that?!"

"Of course they're disgusting! They're just perverted! And this has nothing to do with purity or whatever made-up shit makes you sleep at night!"

"So what if it is perverted?! That's the point! Are you a virgin or something?!"

Matt stood next to me, his mouth wide open, not saying anything. I was the one who handled this most of the time anyway. He'd be of no help.

"Calm down! You can read and watch as much hentai as you want AFTER you unfuse, Tord! You just need to take it for now! No need to be so angry! Right now it's important to look at things positively."

The fusion opened his mouth to reply but quickly closed it again, shaking their head. "I hope you will be fused with someone one day, then you will see how much this sucks. This positivity nonsense won't get you far."

"There is nothing positive about any of this," Tord snarled. "Stop pretending there is!"

"I wouldn't say that... You are a lot taller than you were before. Both of you were shorties..." Matt snickered.

"Shut up, Matt!" they hissed. "We are the exact opposites of each other, don't you understand?! Edd, this is pointless!"

"And we hate each other! We have no reason to pretend there's something good about this!  We get on each other's nerves a lot more since we are together all the time!"

"Shut up, Tord! I can speak for myself!" Tom yelled. "We'll never get along," He finished their rant, glaring at us like it was somehow our fault they were fused.

"Never," they repeated more quietly, staring at the ground with an almost sorrowful expression. "Never," Tord echoed one last time.

"Didn't I tell you to shut up?!"

"You tell me a lot, Tom," Tord chuckled. "You've even told me to go to hell even though we already did that, remember? Pathetic, really."

One of them, probably Tom, dropped the bottles and punched them into their face with a ll their might. "Fuck you!!!!" he yelled. The bottles he dropped shattered on the ground, leaving little space that wasn't covered in shards. The alcohol was everywhere. Not only were the tiles wet, but some had gotten on the wallpaper. Matt squeaked. One look was enough to tell he wasn't wearing shoes. Now his socks were soaked with alcohol. When Tom noticed what he'd done all he mumbled was"Crap."

Tord burst into laughter and their face showed a mix of anger and delight at the same time. It was terrifying to look at. I glanced at Matt.

"That's not funny, son of a-"

"Tom! Watch your language!" I shouted, stepping forward. The shards cracked under my feet.

"Of course it is, Tommy," Tord chuckled. "Everything stupid you do is always funny. That's why it's so entertaining to mess with you."

"We will see how funny it is..." Tom smirked. With that, the fusion stumbled out of the room. We followed him, exchanging glances. I didn't know what he planned on doing, but I was sure that it wouldn't do any good.

"Tom, what are you doing?"

"You can buy new alcohol. It's not the end of the world."

"Tom...?"

"What do you want to do?" Tord asked in a bored tone. "You can't actually hurt me, Thomas. You never can"

Uncharacteristically, Tom didn't react to Tord's taunt this time. He walked to the room with Tord's strange lab, looking around before grabbing one of Tord's weapons from the wall. A thing which burnt stuff, I don't know. I was never as interested in weapons as Tord was. But I could tell things were going to get... messy.

"We'll see about that..." He opened a shelf, peeking in it before grinning triumphantly. "Got it~"  His happiness made my skin crawl. It took me a moment to recognize what he'd found as he pulled it out. A computer. It was already turned on.

I don't know anything about fusions, but maybe you get each other's memories after a while. It would explain how Tom knew where Tord had put his hentai stuff on the computer, but maybe he even knew about it before, who knows? I got disinterested in their fighting a long time ago.

"Who is laughing now, commie?" Tom grinned as he dramatically put a finger on a button. A message flashed on a screen:

RL's hentai🔫   - Files got deleted

"NOOOO!!!" Tord yelled. "I'll kill you!! You monster, what have you done?!"

 "RL?" Matt whispered. "What does that mean?"

I shrugged. "Hell do I know. Probably something from hentai he liked the most, like the edgiest character. He's definitely the type to do that."

"Hey, why are you complaining? You broke my Smirnoff, I delete your hentai. It's simply fair, sucker. Call it karma!"

"Do you think I can also press all these buttons now?" Matt questioned me, his eyes sparkling as his gaze landed on the control panel. I just shrugged in response. I didn't want to get yelled at when they were already thirsty for each other's blood. The situation was too tense for my taste to have fun. But Matt could risk it if he wanted to.

Or maybe I did want to mess things up after all they had made me suffer through.