kardashian | h.s.

wolves

my alarm woke me up at 7 AM, the next morning. i groaned as i rolled over in my bed and turned it off. today was the day. the day i was going to do my first interview since the accident. i guess i can't call it that, since it wasn't an accident at all, it was intentional.

i had decided that if i was going to talk to any talk show host about this, it was going to be ellen, since her and i got along really well and i knew that she would at least be respectful with her questions.

when i walked out of my room, i expected the girls to still be asleep in the guest rooms, but they were awake, except for jasmine. "what are you guys doing up?" i asked them as azalea handed me a cup of coffee with lots of cream and sugar, how i liked it. "in florida, it's 10. we're still on florida time." i nodded in understanding as i drank my coffee.

"well since you guys are up, do you want to come to ellen with me?" i asked them and they quickly agreed. "should we wake up jaz?" lex asked and i nodded deviously.

"wake up!" we yelled as we barged into the room jasmine was sleeping in. we all jumped on her as she moaned and groaned. "ugh, what do you want? it's so early." she whined and we all laughed. "get up, we have to get ready for ellen."

she quickly sat up, "we're going to that?" she asked lex and azalea and they shrugged and nodded. "okay, fine. just let me get ready." she said, crawling out of bed. "we have to leave in 20!" i told all of them before going back to my room to get dressed.
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"are you nervous?" lex asked me as halle finished straightening my hair. usually, myra is the one who tends to do my hair, but she texted me like an hour ago, saying she couldn't make it. "definitely. this is the first interview i've done since, you know. i just don't want to talk about it, but i'm going to have to, i know that. at least it's with someone i trust and actually like." i shrugged. halle told me she was done and i thanked her before she walked off.

i was definitely understating my nervous to lex, but i wanted to be strong. i was tired of the whole justin situation and wanted to be done with it, which meant i had to talk about it at least once. "where's lea?" i asked her and jaz, changing the subject. "she went to get robbie from the car." jaz told me and i sighed, smiling.

robbie was a stuffed bunny that robert kardashian had given to me before he died. i wasn't even 7 when he passed, but we had gotten pretty close since i went with my sisters when they would go see him. he always called me bunny, he said it was because i was always hopping around. rabbits have been my favorite animal since he gave me the nickname. when he gave him to me, i insisted on naming him after robert.

holding robbie always calmed me down, and i brought him everywhere. nobody knew about that except for my mom, my sisters, and my best friends (harry, the boys, alexis, jasmine, taylor, and azalea) i kept him a secret from everyone else, partially because it was slightly embarrassing to be 18 and carry a stuffed animal everywhere you go, but also because i wanted him all to myself, like my little secret.

"you guys are the best." i sincerely smiled at my best friends as azalea ran to me, placing robbie in my arms. i mouthed a "thank you" to her and she winked, blowing a kiss at me in return. as soon as i held him, i began to feel better. that was, until i was told to make my way to the stage.
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"this next guest is one of my favorite people to have on the show and just to be around in general. please welcome, my friend, kaia jenner!" ellen announced as i walked out onto the stage and the audience cheered loudly. ellen and i hugged and took our seats to begin the interview. after a little bit of talking, ellen hit me with the big question, the one everyone was waiting on.

"so, i'm sure you don't want to talk about this, but i have to ask, how are you doing after what happened with justin?" she asked me, looking genuinely concerned. "well, that situation is one of the toughest things that i've been through in a very long time, probably since roberts passing. however, i'm doing better today than i was yesterday, and i'll be better tomorrow than i am today."

"it's hard to process because i feel like you hear about domestic abuse all the time, but you always think, 'oh that'll never happen to me, and if it did, there's no way i'd put up with it. i wouldn't love someone if they had ever hit me.' that's what i thought too. until it was happening to me. to be honest, i didn't even see it then. i thought it wasn't abuse because when he wasn't hurting me, he treated me so well. i thought it was okay because we loved each other. i had just accepted it as a flaw of his that i'd had to live with. but that's not okay, and it took me longer than i'd have liked it to, to realize that this wasn't love, it was abuse."

i was trying not to cry, but a few tears escaped my eyes as i talked. ellen's eyes were glassy too, and i could tell she was trying not to cry. "i don't want to push you, but if you don't mind me asking, what was the breaking point? when did you realize that he was abusing you and you needed to get out?" she asked me and i thought for a second on how to answer. i wasn't sure if i wanted to tell all the details of that night so i decided to give a summary.

"about two weeks ago, we are at a friends party and a lot went down. he ended up screaming at me that i was worthless, beating me, and breaking a beer bottle against my head. i knew then, that this was truly the end and that i couldn't love someone like that. thankfully, my best friend was there for me that night and every day since. he's truly gone above and beyond to make me feel better."

"wow, that's awful. i'm so sorry, kaia. which of your friends was this, that's been so helpful for you?" she asked me. "well, all of my friends and family have been there for me, but in particular, harry, harry styles. he has been my rock through all of this. he's been there for everything that's happened in these crazy two weeks, and i'm so incredibly thankful to have someone so wonderful in my life. he's the best."

"yes he is." she smiled. "i'm so glad to see you doing okay. you are so strong. i don't know that i'd be handling this half as well as you are." she shook her head. "thank you. it's over now, and i'm ready to be done with that part of my life." i nodded, with a polite smile.
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kaiajenner make sure to tune in to the ellen show on wednesday (my birthday!) to watch me and ellen talk about my crazy life!
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