kardashian | h.s.

what a feeling

"hey kai." harry's voice said from behind me and i jumped. "jesus, harold. i thought i told you that you have to knock?" i grumbled. harry just shrugged and sat down beside me on the porch. "so what happened?" he asked me. i knew he was talking about dylan.

"he broke up with me." i stated flatly. i felt numb to the pain of the situation at this point. "kaia, babe, i'm sorry. i know how you feel." harry rubbed my back gently. "what do you mean? how do you know how i feel?" i asked him, confused as to what that meant.

"well, one time, there was the girl. and i am- was madly in love with her. but i was on a tour with this band i used to be in," he smiled and i solemnly chuckled. "and things got hard for us. she broke up with me, and it hurt. so i know how it feels when someone you love, breaks up with you." harry nodded. "i'm sorry, h. i don't know why i did tha-"

"it's okay. it was last year. but i remember how that feels and i'm sorry that you have to feel that." he consoled me. "well, i don't think dylan and i ever had what you and i had. i don't think i loved dylan as much i love you, you know?" i admitted.

"you mean loved? like past tense?" harry asked me. "yeah, that's what i said." i nodded slowly, confused. "no you didn't. you said love, like you still love me now." he pointed out. my eyes widened at the realization of what i said. "i didn't mean that. i meant to say loved. with a d at the end." i spoke quickly.

"kaia? do you ever think about how things would be right now if we hadn't broken up then? like, would we still be together? or would we have just broken up a little later? where would we be? do you ever think about any of that?" harry asked, looking away from me. "all the time, h. i always wonder if maybe i hadn't broken up with you that day, if i wouldn't have ever lost you. if you'd still be with me."

"probably. i don't think i ever would've broken up with you, if i'm being honest." harry admitted and i stayed silent. we stared at the view of the dark night from my back porch. "h?" i called out to the boy next to me. "yeah?" he responded. i felt so vulnerable and weak in that moment, but i needed to ask, even if the answer was just going to hurt me.

"do you still feel anything for me?" my voice was so quiet and small, i wasn't sure if he'd even heard me. "yeah, of course. sometimes it worries me. sometimes, i feel like a bad person. cause i feel like i'm using jaylen to try and get over you and it's not even working anyway. she's such a good person and i know i'm just using her, but i don't want to break up with her, because she's one of my best friends now. and i just don't want to lose her..."

"you don't love her?" i asked him. i was surprised to hear that, since they always seemed so happy. "no. well, i do. but not in the way a boyfriend loves his girlfriend. i love her like i love kendall, or louis. but i'm not in love with her. the only person i've ever really loved like that is you. and to be honest i still do." he said the last part quietly, but i still heard it.

"harry, you have to break up with jaylen. i'm not just saying that to be selfish, it's not fair to her. but maybe, if you do, we could try us again? we could just give us another shot?" i proposed. "really? you want to do that? get back together?" he asked. "i never stopped loving you. never. no matter how hard i tried. and we're having a child, anyway. we're always going to be around each other. we might as well give it a try?"