kardashian | h.s.

little white lies

i was getting my hair and makeup done by halle and myra to get ready for a special episode of keeping up. we were making a two part episode about my dad and his gender identity issues. i really wasn't in the mood for it because everything had been going wrong for me lately, taylor and i's fight at my birthday party, and then last night they arrested justin, which was good but also just reminded me of what he had done.

my dad told all of us about this separately, a few months ago, but now we were doing an episode about it. i was going to do an interview and then i was going to go to dads to talk to him separately. kendall and khloe went two days ago and kendall went straight to louis' afterwards, she said she needed him. kim went yesterday and she said she was proud of him and that it went well, so i really had no idea what to expect.

"you're all done." myra smiled. i was glad she was here, she had been acting weird and avoiding me lately, but she came back and was acting somewhat normal.

"oh my god, kaia. you know how they arrested justin yesterday?" halle asked and i nodded, not wanting to talk about it. "hailey bailed him out. apparently, she says they're together now." i was shocked. why would you date someone, weeks after finding out that they abused their last girlfriend, and right after they get arrested?

i barely had time to think about it when i was told to come out so we would film my part. i stood up and took a deep breath before walking towards where all the cameras were set up. they were interviewing kylie at the moment, so i just watched. when they finished up with her, they called me over and i sat down.

"tell us about how you found out." one of he producers said. "i think i always knew in my heart that my dad wasn't like other men. he would always paint his toenails, and mine. he used to do my makeup, and i remember asking why he was so good at it." i recalled.

"and then, a few years ago, one of my friends dropped me off at the house and i came in to see him all dressed up, with his makeup done and heels on and everything. i never said anything to anyone, because that was when him and mom were still together, and i knew that if she found out, our family wouldn't be together anymore, so i kept it a secret."

"and how did you feel when he talked to you about it?" the producer asked me. "well, like i said, i kind of knew already. so i wasn't shocked or anything. he was very emotional when he told me, which was hard to see. it hurt me to know how much pain this had caused him for the majority of his life. i'm just happy that he gets to finally be himself and feels comfortable enough to be honest about it."

"okay, last question, do you think this changes anything?" the producer asked me. "to be completely honest, no. he's still my dad, and nothings changed except that he doesn't have to sneak around anymore to be happy. the only difference is that it's out in the open now. this isn't new to bruce, or to me, we just don't have to pretend it's not happening anymore."

"okay, thank you kaia. are you ready to go to your dads house to talk to him?" i nodded in response as i stood up and walked away from them.

i drove to my dads house, preparing myself to talk to him about this whole thing. i had to remind myself to breathe while i pulled into his driveway and got out of the car. i didn't know why i was so nervous, he's just my dad. but i was.

i was also stressing out about the justin situation. i was upset that he cheated on me with hailey, twice, and now as soon as we break up, he gets together with her? like, are you fucking kidding me? what kind of bitch dates someone that they know is abusive? it didn't make sense to me.

i walked into the house and the cameraman told me that my dad was in the living room. i walked into the living room to see him sitting on the couch, waiting for me.

"kaia! hi, sweetheart." he hugged me. "hey, dad." i responded before sitting down on the couch across from him. "how are you doing?" he asked me, referring to how i'm handling this. "i'm okay, really. i mean it's different, of course, but you're not going to stop being my dad, you're still the same person, regardless."

"thank you, honey. you and kimberly are really the most supportive of my transition." he smiled. "that's my question actually. so you are transitioning? like you're definitely going to go through the process and become a woman?" i asked him, he hadn't said that to me when we talked about it.

"yes, i am. i'm currently setting up he appointments." he told me and i was surprised. "wow, already? dad, i'm supportive of you and this, but don't you think you should tell your children these things? were you just not gonna tell us?" i asked him.

"no, honey. i'm just not used to being this honest with anybody. i guess it just felt normal to keep this to myself. i thought telling you guys might be a little much to spring on you this quickly." he defended.

"we all just want to be in the loop, dad. wait, do i still call you dad? or am i supposed to call you mom now?" i asked him. i didn't know what to do in this situation, i'd never been through something like this before.

"i'm still your dad. i'm your dad, thats also a female." he joked and we laughed a little. "seriously, i'm so proud of you. and i'm really excited for you to finally be who you really are." i admitted. "thank you, sweetheart." dad wiped a tear. "don't cry! it'll make me cry, dad stop!" i laughed as tears welled up in my eyes.

"it just makes me so happy that you're being so accepting of me. i didn't want anyone to get hurt by this, but i couldn't keeping hiding this huge secret. it was hurting me so much, not being able to be myself." he cried.

"aw, i'm so sorry that you were unhappy for so long. i can't imagine how hard that must've been. i wish i could take away some of that pain from you, but i don't know how." i admitted, wiping tears from under my eyes.

my dad stood up and walked over to me. he sat down next to me and pulled me into a hug. we cried as we hugged each other. after we pulled away, we both wiped our tears.

"so what are you going to be called? cause i know your names not going to be bruce anymore. so what will it be?" i was curious. "i'm thinking caitlyn. with a c. i'm not joining the kardashian's 'k' thing." he told me and i nodded. "i like caitlyn. i can see you as a caitlyn."