Golden Horns and Red Thorns

I Only Saw Her

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LOKI

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We all laid there unmoving. No one spoke, but their thoughts were running wild. I wanted to help. I wanted to calm everyone down and get inside of their heads to tell them this would all be okay, but I couldn't lie to them. I just couldn't. For once in my life, I felt guilty about the lies I wanted so badly to voice.

I had no idea if this would be okay - if we would be saved. I couldn't even lie to myself.

I refused to look upwards. The color orange engraved itself in my brain and I felt as if I would puke if I looked at it once more. Everytime I close my eyes I have a memory of Tera. These flashbacks came incessantly, whether it be because there is absolutely nothing to do but think, or because we were in the Soul Stone - I don't know. But it quickly became painful.

I couldn't think of anything else but her and Thor, and sometimes Frigga and Odin. The painful memories of my life, followed by the memories I used to cherish - and Tera was involved in almost every single one.

I thought of the time we ran from the palace in the dead of night on our horses, going to the field filled with fire lilies and bluebells - my favorite flower and hers just so happened to grow together on the same patch of land. Other than the gardens and the library, this was one of our places to meet. We would stay up all night, lying near the small creek and just talk about our days - or weeks, if we haven't seen each other in awhile. I would ask her about her planet, and she wouldn't tell me much. She always tried to keep the subject lighthearted when speaking of her home, but I knew how badly she was hurting.

I thought of the long life she has lived, almost double the amount of time I have. I couldn't help but think how hard it must have been for her to spend a thousand years being seen as nothing but a disgrace, and then to spend another two thousand years on the planet you were banished to, only to be seen as a disgrace yet again. It was only when she moved up the ranks as a guard that she got the respect she truly deserves.

Everyone thought of her as just a Terinnian - a Princess banished from home to come live somewhere "better". A refugee. But I knew what she would be back on her planet. I knew of the title she would have adorned. She would have been Queen by now. She never liked thinking about being Queen for the people that despised her.

My thoughts traveled to Thor. 'Was he upset with me? Did he know I was gone? Was he with Tera right now, trying to fix this? Were they even both alive?'

I thought of the small amount of soldiers that we had on the Statesman that had gotten killed. I thought of all of the Asgardians that didn't get the chance to get on the escape pods, and ended up dead at our feet. I thought of Heimdall - was he dead, too?

I began to mumble unknowingly.

"Lo, there do I see my father, and lo, there do I see my mother, and lo, there do I see my brother, and lo, there do I see my people back to the beginning - and lo, do they call to me. They bid me to take my place among them in Valhalla, where the brave shall live forever. Nor shall we mourn but rejoice for those who have died the glorious death..." I kept repeating the prayer quietly, a small tear trailing down the side of my face as I lay on my back, eyes closed.

"What is that?" James' voice cut through, just as quiet. He was laying fairly close next to me, his long brown hair flayed out in the water.

"What?" I whispered.

"The thing you were saying, is it... is it some sort of chant?"

"It's uh... It's a prayer. They teach you it on Asgard. It's for when a warrior dies." I replied back.