Pens, pencils and poems

Choices

Doing this is the only thing I can control

I control where the blade goes

How much pressure I push down on the razor

And where I want more blood to flow

I control where the water seeps in

Where the soap stings my skin

This is the only thing where I can choose what I want

Where do I want scars

How many scars I want

And whether or not I even want to cut

I know I shouldn't harm myself

I know I promised you and myself

I know that everything will be fine in the end

But I can't seem to see it

I can't see a perfect world

When I know there can never be one

If there's not a perfect world

Then why do we dream it?

I dream of a place

My perfect place

But I know it doesn't exist

Not on this Earth

Nothing's perfect

There is no perfect

Perfect is an opinion

Not a fact

So why do we dream

Of perfect

When there is no perfect

Perfect is an imperfection

These scars are imperfections

Like the acne on ones face

But in some's opinion

Imperfections are what make us beautiful

So yes I put this blade on my arm

Or I put a razor to my thigh

Old habits die hard

And bad habits are hard to break

But isn't it these bad things that make us human

Aren't these scars that I carry make me

Who I am

I chose to do this

I made this decision

If it's a mistake

Well oops to late

There's already blood

Running down my hand

I know you care

And I know you think that I don't

And saying you care doesn't mean that you do

Actions speak louder that words

Isn't that true?

So if you truly cared

You should've been there

You should've stopped me

Or at least talk to me

Force something out of me

If you ask what's wrong and I say

"I'm tired"

Don't be like everyone else and say

"Try to get more sleep"

I'm not tired from lack of sleep

I'm tired of this

I'm tired of life

I'm tired of all the strict rules

I'm tired of not being able to really choose what I do

But I can choose this

I can make the decision to

Put the knife to my wrist

Or a gun to my head

I can make the decision to

Shove pills down my throat

Or put a rope around my neck

But you have a choice to

You can choose to get me help

You can choose to call me

You can choose to invite me over

Or just talk to me

An if you can't handle it get an someone who can

I choose to harm myself

You can decide to watch me die slowly

and become numb

Or you can help

While you still can

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey everyone!!!!! I hoped you liked this. We all make decisions in our lives and sometimes we make the wrong choice. If you know someone who's doing the wrong thing don't just sit there and wait for someone else to help, go help them yourself. Talk to them. Invite them over. Help them find a different way to fight life or whatever that's making them depressed and suicidal. And if you're reading this an you're the person that needs help. Just know that I am here. If you wanna talk I am here to help you. I will not judge you. And if you think that know one loves you you are incorrect because I LOVE YOU even if I don't know you. Stay strong

There's someone out there who loves you

-Jess