THE STORY BEHIND US: PART 1 (A JenBin Fanfiction)

CHAPTER 51

Jay: Ya Hanbin-na are you okay?
BI: (He can't stop it but to cry in front of Jay) Hyu..hyung!!
Jay: Why? Is there something wrong? Are you okay?
BI: Hyung ottoke?!! I can't..
Jay: You can't what? Pull yourself together will you?
BI: What if Jennie really won't come back? Ottoke hyung? I can't.. I'll lose my mind ottoke?!!
Jay: (He was surprised to see BI like this. They've been together for almost 5 or 6 years and it was his first time seeing him so afraid.) Yah!!! They said she's getting her treatment so that means she'll be okay and will come back soon.
BI: But they said that even sajangnim isn't sure if she will come back or not. It's my fault. I shouldn't have hurt her hyung ottoke?!!!!
Jay: Okay let's say it's all your fault, ani it really is your fault, what should you do then? Stop crying will you? Just pray for her for her fast recovery, that's the only thing you can do for her right now and don't think of such absurd things. One more thing, is sajangnim a doctor? Of course he's not sure cause he's not a doctor pabo-ya. So will you pull yourself together? Stop crying imma. She'll come back soon. She needs to come back to get her revenge to you pabo-ya so better prepare yourself when she comes back, got me? (As expected, Jay being the oldest and more is being the big brother to everyone manages to calm his dongsaeng through his sharp tongue with hidden worries.)
BI: Hyung..(Jay hugs him) komawo hyung.
Jay: Stop crying. Let's go inside.
BI: Hyung I'll go to the company. You guys continue talking inside.
Jay: Why? We were just allowed to come out and yet you want to go back and work again?
BI: Ani it's not like that hyung. There's something I need to do.
Jay: Okay if you say so. Don't stay up all night okay?
BI: Yes hyung komawo.

(Jay explained why BI needs to left earlier than them and the squad understand that. BI left and heads straight to the company's rooftop. With him are his song notebook and the pen Jennie gave him. Before he started writing lyrics, he first wrote a birthday letter for Jennie. It was his very first letter for Jennie. He just realized that now after all this time. What a jerk he really is, BI jinja!! The letter goes like this.)

To Jenjen:

I don't know how to start this. It was my first time writing you a letter. I really am a bad guy right? Yes I am admitting that now. You might not read this when you come back but I'm still hoping that you will someday. I did not know that you were suffering and hurting because of me and worse is that I left you alone though I once promised you that I will always be with you, support you and protect you. I did not know that you were there always worrying about me while I was doing all the bad things a boyfriend does. I know I don't have the right to complain because it was me who made this mess. It may be too late but I really want to say sorry for everything I've done to hurt you. Words are not enough to describe how sorry I am for hurting you and letting you go Jennie-ya. I was really a bad guy, a very bad one. I've said sorry but please don't forgive me. I deserve all of this karma and punishment, practically saying these are not enough compared to the pain you've suffered because of me. But still once again I wanted to say sorry for not being there when your mom passed away. I'm sorry for ignoring you when you've cried and said that your mom called you. I did not know that it was your last call from your mom and yet I gave you another unexpected last day to be my girlfriend that day. It was really harsh of me, I was not aware that you were already hurting before that ani, it's not that I am not aware, it's because I didn't care anymore back then, I admit that. I should say all of this in person but I'm afraid that I might not see you again. It was what I am afraid the most right now. I'd take back what I said earlier, that I hope you will see this one day, I'd prefer for you not to read this but instead hear it from me personally. I'm afraid that what I am doing (writing this letter) right now is not right because it seems that I am expecting you not to come back but please don't get me wrong. It's not like that, it's just that I'm afraid I really can't see you again Jennie-ya. Please come back and get revenge on me please!.

P.S. Though my first letter for you is not the letter that every girl are expecting from their boyfriends (though right now I'm just your ex-boyfriend) I felt relieved that after a long time, I came to write a letter which is not my style. Don't get me wrong about this, what I mean is that, you're the only person that made me do things like this, that made me experience things like this that are not my style. Other than my mom and Hanbyul, you're the only person that can make me like this Jennie-ya. I'm regretting that I let you go. It might be a selfish and shameless of me but I really want to set things back to the way it used to be. I want you back and it's for real. Please get well soon. I missed you.

Love,
Pabo Hanbini