Read If You Want To

why

I can't sleep.
I don't wanna stay awake.
When I'm asleep I feel at ease.
The only place where I can be with the person I wanna be with.
Why is life like this.
Why can't I be happy
Why am I not happy.
Why do I fantasize about death.
I do this now more than I did a few months ago.
Why haven't I hung myself yet.
I know the knot.
I'm want death yet I don't provoke it.
I believe death will come in time.
I have no right to take the gift of life away from myself.
Why haven't I died yet.
My prayers consist of me begging for this pain to stop.
Why must God ignore my prayer for this.