Metanoia (Shirbert AU)

Mistakes and Misery

"What's going on here?" I was lured out of my terrifying episode and back into reality. In the area where the voice had come from a figure came into the clearing.

Cole stopped tickling me long ago. Instead, he scanned my face concerned but he remained in his position above me as all four of our heads snapped in the direction of the new voice.

"Oh, um h-hi Gil-Gilbert," stammered Ruby. Her blue eyes grew big and a doe-like expression covered her face, completely forgetting about the agony I just experienced. Diana turned back to me with an expression that matched Cole's.

Gilbert ignored her greeting and turned back to us, clenching his jaw, "Cole what are you doing?"

 Why must I be in such an unfortunate position right when he shows up? Out of all the possible situations my strange life could have put me in! He must think I'm such a disgrace. The whole town will twist this tale and label me a trollop.

Cole quickly got off and sat next to me in the grass. I got into a sitting position and hugged my legs to my chest. My frail frame shook violently as I softly cried, placing my head down onto my knees.

I heard leaves crunch as they all walked in my direction. Their shadows enveloped me as they formed a circle around my cowering figure.

"You're worthless and ugly. You're too annoying to be loved." I repeated the words to myself quietly, trying to choke back a sob.

"Anne," his voice dripped with concern. "Are you alright?" Gilbert touched my arm and I flinched. He quickly removed his hand from me. I still didn't look up at them.

"Can someone please tell me what the hell happened? Cole, what did you do to her?" His worried voice quickly turned angry.

"I didn't do anything. I said something to her and she got mad. Then she started to tickle me, so once she was distracted I threw her off and started tickling her back. She was laughing at first but then she started panicking and I immediately stopped, I swear." Gilbert's eyes softened as he explained.

I felt someone else crouch down next to me. I turned my head a little to poke an eye out. Diana's hand reached out to touch me, she hesitated a bit, but eventually placed her hand on my back rubbing in a circular motion. I released a shaky breath as my heart continued to pound against my ribcage.

"Did you have another episode?" She whispered, making sure no one else could hear. I turned my head to hide my face in my knees once again.

"Yes," I softly whispered.

She nodded her head understanding the reasoning for my current state.

Gilbert's POV:

After Diana whispered something to Anne she looked up at Cole. Her mouth was stretched into a thin line and her eyes mirrored the concern I felt. She mouthed something out and Cole paled. Ruby looked back and forth between the two trying to figure out what was going on.

I didn't need to understand what Diana had said for me to know what Anne was going through. I had seen the same thing happen multiple times to my mother.

I was twelve when she had her first episode and it was a year after that where I finally understood the pain she felt. I knew of the terror she always tried to mask every time father came home from work with a brown paper bag in hand.

Sometimes she would be doing the most normal thing like brushing her hair, then all of a sudden she would fall to her knees, eyes wide like she'd seen a ghost. Her skin would pale and her breaths would increase. She would always mutter out words in panic as she cried. I need to leave. I need to get out. We aren't safe here, is what she usually said. The pain in her voice was always unbearable, but after father passed her attacks became worse. Almost everything in the house triggered her panic.