Metanoia (Shirbert AU)

Ruby's Indirect Confessions

A/N: (Mr. Philips scheduled detention to start again on Thursday so he could try to find another teacher to take over) Also, I am so sorry for the last chapter. I read over it and I realized how bad it was. The last chapter was hasty and I had no time to revise so I am so sorry, hopefully, this one is better.

Ruby's POV:

Gilbert and Anne sure seem closer now. I remember it was only three days ago when she whacked him with our English book. Anne was never informed about my three-year-long crush on Gilbert, so I could not blame her for her newfound friend.

I'm not surprised that Gilbert had easily fallen for Anne. Even though I saw this coming, it still hurt. A lot. When I saw them together today I realized I had lost my chance, but the smile on his face when he looked at her made me question whether I even had a chance, to begin with. Of all the years I've liked him it felt as if I was waiting for something I knew would never happen. 

I had wanted to cry, to scream, to fall completely apart, but I stopped myself. I would not break over this. It hurt so bad that I have never felt this type of pain before. It was as if there were two hands wrapped around each of my lungs, suffocating me. Every interaction between the two was unbearable to watch because I knew I could never be her. 

In the depths of my heart of hearts, I know that I am strong enough to eventually let go, but for now, I can only wallow in my disappointment.

I always hoped that Gilbert would return my feelings but I believe his heart is set on the beautiful red-head. I see the way he looks at her, the small smiles they exchange, the jokes, and the obvious desire. I have to admit it is the worst heartbreak to have your close friend and the boy you like, share a common attraction to each other. I know now that we can create our own heartbreaks through expectations.

I am not a negative person. I simply do not hate people, but at this moment I greatly dislike Anne Shirley-Cuthbert. The beautiful new girl with a heart of gold and enchanting red hair. The orphan who spoke her mind and excelled in every aspect of academics. She was perfect, everyone thought so. Everyone except her. Which must be why people find her so endearing.

Diana and Cole remain ecstatic about the possibilities of Anne and Gilbert's friendship blossoming into something more, but I just couldn't take it, my heart seemed to tear after each word spoken about the rumored pairing.

The more I thought about it, the more I disliked her. Diana had been my best friend since we were infants, but when Anne arrived they clicked and became "kindred spirits." It was as if she had stolen everything from me, the attention, my best friend, the boy, she even took my seat in class.

However, I knew I could not hate her forever, no one could hate the perfect girl. Even if they did, it was out of pure jealousy. I just needed time to process.

I have expressed all of this to Josie Pye after school. I usually walked home with her, but once she had seen my sad eyes aimed at the pair and my two other friends walking home together, she demanded an explanation.

Josie said she would take care of it, but I still have no clue what she means. She has never liked Anne. Ever since she's gotten here Josie and Billy were always the ones who captain the bullying. Of course, I never appreciated the constant torture they gave my friend, but I couldn't do anything about it.

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The next day Josie, Jane, and I arrived at school early. We watched everyone walk through the classroom doors and eventually the golden duo walked in. They were all smiles and laughter. Sitting at a desk near the door I could see Josie give a hostile glare to the two of them and I raised my brows at her. She shrugged at me and gestured aggressively towards their backs.