Metanoia (Shirbert AU)

Ignoring Ignorance

Gilbert's POV:

Anne was a force of nature that could not be controlled. She was a hurricane, and I realize that she is a perfect example as to why we name them after people.

After the events of yesterday, I traveled to a dark place. When the sadness takes over, my only wish is to feel nothing because the heaviness of my heart was always too much to bear. However, when I finally feel empty, I start to miss the melancholy feeling. I wish for it to return and fill the void in my chest.

Unfortunately, this isn't the first time I have felt this way, but it certainly hurts more than the others. You know that saying: You don't know what you got 'til it's gone. Over the past few hours, the realness of that quote overwhelmed my thoughts. The meaning behind it became so true my chest ached.

I didn't take the time to understand how meaningful Anne's friendship was to me. I didn't notice the change in my life til now. She brightened my world, made me see colors I never thought I would experience. She was like a breath of fresh air after I have been drowning for all these years. The sunshine peeking out from the clouds in my mind.

After yesterday all the colors drained. It drained from my face and the world once those words left her pink lips. It's like the more a person means to me the deeper the scars are when they leave.

The worst part is that I don't even know what I did wrong. We were great friends and we told each other our life stories than all of a sudden I'm back to square one. Those two days in the woods gave me hope that one day we could eventually be as close as she is with Diana and Cole, maybe even closer, but I guess not. I've ruined it. I ruin everything. 

It was no wonder to me now, why I always used to hear the whispers of our neighbors when I used to run errands for mother. 

That poor boy, coming from a family like that...

It's like the plague has marked the Blythe family...

They never catch a break, do they?...

It's all John's fault. I hope his choices don't rub off on his son...

I heard his mother's a maniac...

Other people didn't realize how far their whispers carried. They don't realize the amount of pain they cause people when certain words are said. They never know how every word about the incident pushed the dagger deeper into my chest. They must have passed the ignorance on to their kids because as I walk the school halls I notice the murmur of hushed voices and concerned eyes aimed at me. 

I knew I looked like a wreck. Bash couldn't believe the change in my mood after the talk with Anne. 

"Blythe?" Bash stood from his seat on the couch. Mary held the same worried expression on her face, as I sulked through the front door. 

"Are you alright? You look like you've died," Mary's soft voice traveled through my ears.

"It sure feels like it," a sad laugh escaped my lips. I still couldn't comprehend it. 

A flash of realization passed Bash's features, "What did she say to you?"

My eyes burned as I closed them, trying to contain the tears, "She said we couldn't be friends anymore. She doesn't want me in her life." 

"Oh hun, you can't be sad over that. There are other girls out there, you have other friends," Mary's hand rested on my arm.

I opened my eyes and shrugged her hand away, "But they don't understand me like she did! There is no one else! Don't you get it, Mary! This scares the living hell out of me because now that I've had a taste of her friendship, my life can't go back to how it was before!"