Metanoia (Shirbert AU)

Crowns of Sorrow

Gilbert's POV:

I watched the red-haired girl walk out. I stood frozen in my place as the rest of my classmates remained silent, waiting for me to do something. I weighed my options and decided that I would finally tell her how I feel. She must feel the same if she had kissed me back. I had made up my mind and I ran out to find her.

It didn't take long for me to catch up because once I exited through the back doors I saw Anne leaning against a tree. I slowly approached her and she watched me as I came closer.

"Hey, Gil. I'm sorry I left so fast, I just needed some air," she gave a brittle smile as I stood next to her.

"I understand," I wrapped her in a hug, "I was scared you were mad at me again," we swayed slightly as we embraced.

"I actually have something to tell you," I whispered into her hair.

Anne's POV:

I hummed into his chest, signaling for him to continue.

His face was buried in my hair, "I love you," he whispered.

My body froze. The three words that I have always believed would never be said to me had just left his lips. A phrase that held so much sincerity had been directed to me. They were words of romance, but all I could think about, however, was how thankful I was that he couldn't see the look on my face when I realized I couldn't say it back.

Of course, I love him, but I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from confessing. He insists that he loves me, but he was not in love with me, not like how I am in love with him. This feeling of his will eventually go away.

You're not good for him, don't be selfish. He will end up hating you. Nobody can ever love someone so plain for so long. He will eventually leave when you stop satisfying his needs.

"Gil," my words filled with sorrow. I pulled away and stepped back slightly.

"No, let me get everything out before you say anything," his voice wavered, "I have loved you since the day you hit me over the head with your book. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but when I finally did I hadn't been so sure of something in my life," he took my hands into his, "I know you don't believe it but you are so beautiful, Anne. You don't love yourself the way you should but I can love you for the both of us, and one day I hope it will be enough to make you believe it as well."

My words were trapped, blocked by my heart which was trying to claw it's way up my throat. My mouth opened but no sound came out. He noticed my struggle and continued.

"People can be cruel, but I don't care what they think, to me, you're perfect. Please, Anne, you deserve the love you keep trying to give everyone else."

Every word filled me with warmth. All I have ever wanted was for someone to love me with such passion, but I knew I couldn't tell him the truth.

"I can't," I shut my eyes trying to suppress the sob threatening to escape.

"What? But I had been so sure-" his eyes darkened, "You can't stand there and tell me you feel nothing for me when you just kissed me back with so much passion just moments ago."

"I'm sorry, Gil, but I don't feel the same," my voice was hoarse, scratched up by all the lies that had just escaped.

His eyes flashed with hurt and I wanted nothing more but to wrap my arms around him and apologize, tell him my words were untruthful. I wanted my resolve to crumble, but I held myself back.

I'm doing us both a favor. Saving our hearts from a worse heartbreak that was destined to happen down the line. If I told him the truth, it would be selfish of me. I'd rather remain, friends, than to have him hate me later. I would ruin his dream of becoming a successful doctor, with my fervent ways.