Hello, My Name is Crazy.

What If.

—Drawing is mine—

I take Dallas back to my house and as soon as we walk through the door, Soda stands up and walks into another room. It makes my stomach twist. I don't like this. I feel uncomfortable. I look at Dallas and he still looks sincere and sorry and fidgety. I wanna hit him.

"Come on, we're going to my room and we aren't gonna be doing anything...weird."

He nods at me and looks a little let down but I don't care. He almost fucked my brother. My god damn brother. And Soda...I don't feel bad for him either. He almost fucked my crush while his boyfriend was asleep beside him. How awkward is that? And gross. And dumb. And ugh. I walk us up to my room and I'm slowly more and more annoyed. This situation just pisses me off. I turn on the tv, slip a movie in, and go sit on my bed. Dallas sits on the edge furthest from me and he sighs. He sighs loud. I look over at him and glare. I don't want to deal with anyone today but I'll do it for Darry. He's been so different in the last few months. He's been better and nicer and more like a brother. And since Dallas and Soda messed around...Darry has been even more nice to me. It's like him and Soda switched roles. Soda isn't mean to me but he's quiet and uncomfortable and grumpy. He won't talk to me and I don't really want him to most of the time. I'm still mad. I know it's dumb but I am. I'm hurt.

"This is an interesting movie."

Dallas tries to start a conversation and I look the other way so I don't have to listen to him. He rolls his eyes and crosses his arms.

"Pony I want to fix this. I really do. But I can't fix anything if you won't let me."

"You almost slept with my brother."

"It was an accident. An accident I don't even remember."

"You has your hands down my fucking pants."

"I don't even remember that..."

"I don't care. I remember."

"I'm sorry."

"........"

Silence filled the space between us and I can no longer even watch the movie. I stare down at my thighs. I look down at them quietly and trace smiles and hearts into them with my fingertips. I don't talk again. And Dallas is getting annoyed now. I don't care. Out my window I can see cars going by. Just a few. I can see people walking. Mostly gangsters and hoodlums. People like Dally. People I would never talk to. A mean looking guy with a trail of people following him walks passed Dallas house and is headed towards town.

"That's Tim."

"What?"

"Tim Shepherd. The guy who's car I keyed."

"Oh...."

"Looks like he's on a mission."

"Yep."

"Ponyboy...would you just talk to me?"

"What the hell do you want me to say? You want me to say I missed you or I'm over it or I love you? Is that what you want? You want this to be easy? It's not and it's not going to be and you made it this way!"

He glares at me and he's getting heated down. Darling lays down by my feet and she's licking her paws. She stops when Dallas stands up.

"You know what Pony, I said I was fucking sorry! I said I don't remember it! I said it meant nothing and it definitely meant fuck all to me. I'm sorry. I will say it a hundred times. I am so fucking sorry. But how the hell do you expect me to redeem myself if you won't let me?!"

"Fuck you Dallas. Fuck you. Fuck you for doing that to me. Fuck you."

He doesn't give me enough time to keep talking before his hand hits my face. It's a hard smack from the back of his hand and my entire body falls back a bit and my head bounces slightly from the impact. When I look back at him my eyes are narrowed but my chest is pounding. A weird sense of adrenaline is pumping through me and my lips purse together as my nose scrunches up to hold back a few tears. My eyes get a little glossy but I speak before I can cry.