Hello, My Name is Crazy.

Sidetracked.

As soon as I felt warm lips I wanted to kiss back. I wanted to but instead I jumped back like a scared little girl and I cowered. Two looked at me. He was calm and then concerned.

"You okay Pon? Sorry if I scared ya."

He chuckles a little and my head is spinning. I look at him and he stares back at me and we slowly move towards one another. He pulls me by the front of my shirt and I crawl closer to him on my hands and knees. He smirks at me and it makes me blush but I stop again.

"I'm gonna kiss you. I'm gonna kiss you just today and just this once and when I'm done we're never gonna do it again. Alright?"

"Fuck em and chuck em is my line kid. Savvy."

He nods at me and I press our lips back together. We kiss and we kiss slowly. And slowly turns into deeply. And deeply turns into tongue. And when the tongue begins so does the tugging. He pulls me up on his lap and he tugs at my sweater. Soon he's kissing down my neck. I'm a mess emotionally and for some reason I don't even care that I'm doing what I'm doing. I just want to feel this. I want it and I don't care who it's from. At least I mean something to someone...right? After less than ten minutes I'm done. I'm over it. I back up and blush and I wipe my mouth. I can't look at Two-bit. I can't make eye contact at all. I look down at my lap and I shuffle away from him.

"Pony..."

"I'm sorry I just can't..."

"It's alright. If you need anything I'm here... maybe we can get pizza and watch a movie later."

I look at Two and I know I don't deserve a friend as good as him. I know I don't. He's so good to me no matter what. He's supportive and gentle and caring and he's so funny.

"Two I don't know what to do about him..."

"Dally?"

"Yeah, Dally."

"Just talk to him."

"I can't...Two just looking at him makes me want to cry so much that I just get angry right away. I can't be normal around him. It's like......the first person I decide to trust treats me so good and then he just.....bails."

"Pony you're smart and you're attractive. There is nothing about you that anyone wouldn't like. He will either get out his own anger, figure out an appropriate apology, or he'll stay away from you. You just gotta wait for him to make his move."

"I know. I know that...it's just hard."

"It will be."

We sit in silence and I ignore the sound of cartoons coming from the living room. I think about Dallas. The fact that me and Two-bit just kissed barely even exists in my mind. It was so childish and compulsive that I can excuse it. I stare and I sit and I think of what I can do. I think of ways to fix this even though I know I wasn't the one to break it. I didn't do this. This wasn't my fault. But I feel so helpless. So shitty. Pathetic. I look at my friend and I get up.

"I'll catch you later alright? I'm just gonna head back for a bit. Come over for dinner later if you want."

"Oh, alright Pony. Be safe. Call me if you need anything."

"I will. Bye Two. Remember to eat something!"

I walked out of his room and down the hall and away from him. I left and I walked out that front door like what happened didn't just happen. As I walk down the sidewalk I hear the door. It slams open and when I look up Dallas is walking towards me with his arms crossed. My face hurts. My eye is black. He still looks mad. I stop in my tracks and let him walk up to me.

"What do you want."

"I wanna talk to you."

"About?"

"Us. About what happened. What I did. What I said. About this..."

He motioned towards my cheek which was pretty darn purple. Then he pulled out a smoke and lit it. I watched him in silence. I just stared. I don't know how to feel and I don't know what to say.

"I don't think there's much to talk about. You fucked up and I have every right to be mad. And yet you fucked up double time and lost your temper."

"Pony you pushed my buttons on purpose and you know it."

"And so what? You gonna hit me every time I push your buttons? You gonna give me another black eye if I tell you to go fuck yourself again?"

"I just might... listen you punk I'm trying to apologize to you. Ponyboy I am sorry. I care about you-"

"Save it. I don't wanna hear you. It's all lies."

"Ponyboy I mean it. I care about you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for kissing your brother and pushing myself onto you in the kitchen and I'm sorry for hitting you. Heck I'm even sorry for yelling. I'm sorry for saying you had no friends. I'm sorry for being a dick over my mistake. I'm sorry. You can be mad but I'm sorry...I really am."

I stare at him and I wanna be mad. I really do. But I'm so tired of being mad that I just sit there quietly and glare at my shoes instead. I play with the edges of my sweater and I tug at my own hair. My anxiety is poking through and he notices before I do that I have begun to tear up. I want to be mad. I want to.

"Pony... c'mon..say something..."

I want to be pissed. Infuriated. Angry. I want to so bad but I just can't. I can't be that way with him. Especially right now while I feel like my chest is being smashed. It feels like a sledge hammer is being whacked into me. It hurts. I touch my cheek and it's damp. As I look up I'm glaring at Dallas and tears are rolling down my cheeks.

"You hurt me. You hurt my feelings. You hurt my self esteem. You hurt my trust. You hurt my heart. And you physically hurt me. Do you see what you've done? Sorry is just...it's not good enough."

"Well...what is good enough?"

"Prove you're really a man. Act like one and start treating me right. Stop being such a spazzing teenager. Either you're serious or you aren't."

"Okay okay... I will Pony. I promise."

—cue the music at the top of this chapter—

He walks towards me a bit more, puts a hand on my shoulder and then another hand under my chin. I tense up and then I loosen up. I inhale and then exhale. I look away and look back and he doesn't move for a few seconds but it feels like forever.

"Come on, come over...let's lay in bed and watch a movie.... Darlings probably lonely."

"Uh....fine...I guess..."

I walk away. His hands fall to his sides and we walk back to my house. Round two. We walk up the stairs and Darry stops us. Well, he stops Dallas. He pushes him hard against the wall and gets up in his face.

"You leave another scratch on him and I'll beat you to death, understand me?"

Dally nodded and he slowly followed me up the stairs. Soda walked passed us. Dallas came into my room once again and sat down on my bed beside his dog. I sat beside them both and turned our movie back on. My head is spinning right now and I wanna be mad and anxious and annoyed but really I'm so tired.

"You look like you're gonna pass out Pony..."

"I might... haven't slept well lately."

He flinched and sighed at my words. He knows it's about him. He knows he's the reason I've been losing all of this sleep.

"Go ahead and nap if you want. I'll be here when you wake up."

"Hopefully not kissing someone else again."

"Definitely not."

I close my eyes and lay down and I feel so drowsy. Dal watches me and he slowly lays down beside me. He touches my cheek and I wanna move away but I stay still. He moves closer to me, so close I can feel his breath. I can feel his breath and then his lips on my cheek. And then his arms around me. I fall asleep.