Summer Milestone

Pride

Chapter 13

~JOSH~

I can't sleep. It's like my heart is pounding so hard inside my chest it might explode, knowing that my best friend, who's a guy, is sleeping right beside me... in the same bed. Not to mention he's shirtless, which only makes the situation all the more sexual. Fuck, I'm not gonna be able to sleep all night, fearing that I might end up spooning him accidentally and not even realize it until I woke up. Now that would be embarrassing! First I told him that I'd rather date him than Anna, then he somehow caught me staring at his naked butt, and now I invite him into my bed. Fucking shit! I wouldn't be surprised if he actually thought I was into him. I've literally made it so obvious tonight.

"Hey, you still awake?" Zack's voice suddenly startles me and I roll halfway over to look at him.

"Yeah."

"I just wanted to say thanks for... teaching me how to swim. I know it didn't seem like it but it meant a lot to me," he says, facing me as half his face is buried in a pillow.

"That's no problem. That's what friends do for each other." I wink at him.

"You're a true friend, you know that right?"

"Duh? Likewise, man," I say, positioning myself so that I'm now laying on my back, occasionally looking at him directly.

"Hey, so what did you mean when you said... you'd rather date me over Anna?" He suddenly changes the subject to something I thought we had agreed to forget about.

"That... came out wrong. I didn't mean..."

"... Anything by it?" He finishes for me.

"I meant that... I dislike her so much that you'd be a better option than her," I answer a bit awkwardly, simply rephrasing what I initially said, though not making it sound much better. And by "much better" I mean less gay.

"But I'm a guy, so I shouldn't even be an option to you..."

Oh fuck, now I'm in trouble. I literally have no idea what to say to that.

"... Or should I be?" He finishes, causing my heart to skip a beat in panic.

In my mind, I want to say no, but in my heart, it's like I want to say yes. But I can't so I don't say anything at all. He then moves in closer to me on the bed and I feel my chest tighten, my throat dries up, and my penis starts to stiffen. My heart is literally yet to explode. What the fuck is he insinuating?! Because if this is a joke, he has no idea what kind of shit he's putting me through right now.

"What are you doing?" I ask him tensely.

He then puts his arm over my chest and I soon learn that he's just reaching for an extra pillow. "What did you think I was doing?"

I start to chuckle, wanting to smack myself in the head for thinking something so stupid. "I don't know. I haven't been thinking very straight tonight. Maybe I'm just tired."

"Maybe," he mumbles as he lies down on his back to stare up at the ceiling.

I then rise up from my spot on the bed and say to him, "Why is this so weird?"

He then echoes what I just did so that we're now sitting side by side. "Because you're making it weird. I mean, think about it, you've literally been making suggestions all night..."

"You don't seriously think that I'm... gay, do you?" I say with so much insecurity that my face is blushing at just the mention of the word "gay."

"Are you?"

I'm literally just about to say no until I begin choking on my own saliva. I guess that answers that question.

"Cuz it's okay if you are," he says calmly as I eventually wrap up the coughing.

"I'm not," I finally manage to spit out.

"You don't have to hide it from me. You'll always be my best friend no matter what," he says, staring into my eyes.

God, the blood is racing through my veins and my body is starting to shake in anxiety. Is this really happening right now? Has my best friend, who's a guy, finally discovered how I really feel about him? No, this can't fucking be happening!

I don't say anything as I'm lost inside his sapphire-blue irises, unable to take my eyes off of him. I can only imagine how incredible it'd be if we kissed right now. Ya know, if he weren't straight.

What happens next is like he's suddenly gained the ability to read my mind as I begin to notice his face slowly lean in closer to mine.

What the fuck is he doing? Did he seriously just read my mind? Even so, why is he acting on what I was thinking? I mean, he's straight, right?

I see his lips slowly moving closer to mine and while I really want this to happen, I know that I can't let it. He's a boy, I'm a boy. He can never know that I have feelings for him. No one can. And if anyone ever found out that I kissed him... Just no, I can't. I'm not gay.

Our lips are so close to colliding but they never touch. I instantly pull away the second our noses are within a millimeter's distance from each other and jump up from the bed. "What the hell are you doing, man?!" I yell at the top of my lungs. And boom, the both of us are blushing over the immense level of awkwardness that just befell upon us after what just happened. He doesn't say anything and the two of us just stare at each other, unable to form words over the shit that just went down.

"I'm gonna... go for a walk," Zack finally breaks the silence after a while, getting up from the bed to put on a T-shirt and some shoes before he exits the room without saying anything else.

Fuck! What did I just do?! What the actual fuck just happened?! Zack actually tried to kiss me... and I pulled away... like the coward I am. I let my pride get the best of me and I blew the one chance I had to kiss the one person I truly love. Damn, now I know why I couldn't ever love Anna; this whole time I've been in lo—Urgh—what am I even saying?! I'm not fucking gay. I obviously pulled away from Zack because I'm not into him like that. While I do love him, I obviously don't in that sort of way. That's ridiculous. But I also never imagined that he would be into me that way either. Why the hell would Zack Clifton, the straightest guy I know, ever try to kiss me? I just don't get it. What the actual fuck just happened tonight?