Summer Milestone

Shattered

Chapter 20

~JOSH~

I sit by myself in the backyard veranda. Even if my phone rings I don't answer it. I've broken all of my streaks on Snapchat as I don't want any contact with the outside world. Especially not today seeing as it's Zack's 19th birthday and this is the first time that we're not celebrating it together. Guess that won't be happening ever again. Wonder how he's spending it. Probably with his other stupid friends—Damn it! Here I am thinking about that son of a bitch again! Fucking hell, why is it so hard to forget?! He's the shitty friend who destroyed our friendship so why am I the one who's still thinking about him? Why am I the one who's been miserable for the past three days?! I didn't do anything wrong to him so why should I be miserable and lonely while he's out and about hanging with his other stupid friends—at least that's what I'm assuming given his popularity. I mean, all of those people that came to the beach party at the beginning of the summer were all there for him, not me. Nobody likes me the way they like him, which sucks considering how much of an asshole he is. And now even all of my friends hate me: Zack... Anna... Erica. Though I guess Anna has a right to, given the fact that I kinda used her, and Erica is just supporting her friend so I can't really blame them. Nonetheless, it's still not fair, Zack's the real asshole and I'm the one that everybody hates. I'm the loser with no friends.

It's my dad's sudden presence on the veranda that startles me out of my thoughts. "You alright?" He asks me sensitively.

It's been three days and I'm still hungover on what happened so I guess not. I'm still pretty upset about it so I just silently give him a nod as opposed to a verbal response.

"Yeah, I know how you feel..." He says and all I can think is, I doubt that. I mean, what are the odds that he had a best friend for twelve years who secretly liked him and tried to kiss him, but when rejected his so-called best friend turns on him and beats him to a bloody pulp all because of his own insecurity? I'd honestly be surprised if he did.

"... It sucks losing a friend, especially when you're as close as you two were," he continues, but I try to tune him out seeing as he's not really saying anything meaningful.

Again, I just nod to make him think I'm actually listening.

"What exactly happened between you guys? Maybe it was just a misunderstanding. All friends fight at some point."

"Misunderstanding" my ass. "I don't want to talk about it," I say coldly, trying to avoid a conversation that'll just make me emotional.

"You guys have had fights before—"

"This is different," I cut him off, not wanting to hear the rest of whatever he's going to say. This isn't like the fights we had when we were little, this isn't like the time we fought over a girl in the seventh grade, this is different. This time he shattered me, both figuratively and literally. Even if he is sorry at some point, you can't glue back broken glass and expect things to be the same.

"Well, if you're not gonna talk about it—"

"He betrayed me..." I interrupt impatiently. "... That's all I'm gonna say."

"I'm sorry. I guess he... wasn't a real friend after all," My dad says sensitively.

I just sigh as my face reddens and my cheeks start to feel numb.

"Yeah, I knew this guy back when I was 17. We used to hang out all the time during our junior year of high school. We'd go to the gym and the mall and try to hook up with girls and just had a pretty strong friendship for a while until well... he finally got a spot on the football team and by our senior year he had ditched me for the popular crowd. I don't know why that destroyed our friendship but not only did he stop talking to me but he completely stabbed me in the back when I started dating a girl he used to like—"

"It's not the same," I interrupt him again for the third time, annoyed at how oblivious he is to what really happened between me and Zack. This has nothing to do with a girl at all! Nothing!

"Would you let me finish? I'm just trying to say that I know what's it like to have a friend turn against you. At least now you know he wasn't a true friend."

"Who cares?" I say aggressively with extreme annoyance. "What happened between me and Zack is nothing like what you went through in high school! It wasn't about some stupid girl!"

"Then what was it about? Because if you don't talk to me I can't help you."

"Either way you can't help me!" I say, officially breaking down. "Zack is... he..." I finally let the tears fall as I'm unable to reveal the truth about what happened. "I just wish I could forget him. He's the one who fucked me over so why should I be miserable when he's probably enjoying his birthday with his other stupid friends?! He's probably forgotten all about me!"

"I doubt that. You guys meant a lot to each other. He's not gonna get over losing his best friend just like that," my dad says, acting as if I were Zack's only friend.

"He's got other friends. He doesn't need me. I was the one that needed him."

"I've always told you to never depend on someone else. I mean, what were you gonna do when you two go your separate ways in the fall?"

"I have no idea. Doesn't matter now."

"You can't depend on anyone, Josh. You can only depend on yourself."

My silence is my only answer to that. I know he's right, I shouldn't have depended on Zack so much because now that he's gone and will probably never be in my life again I'm broken.

He then gets up and rubs the back of my shoulder. "I'm sorry, Josh. I know you guys were really close," he says empathetically.

Apparently being too close is what caused our friendship to fall apart.

Before he leaves me alone again, I ask him, "What should I do now? How do I move on?"

"Reach out to other friends. What about Anna? She hasn't been over here in a while. Maybe you should give her a call."

I don't say anything and just let him think that Anna and I are still together. I'm pretty sure it isn't an option to call her anymore, given how things ended between the two of us. But I owe it to her to, at least, apologize. She deserves to hear the truth.