Summer Milestone

Yosemite

Chapter 23

~ZACK~

So I finally reveal the truth to Anna the following day at Erica's house. And to my shock, she's not even a bit surprised. In fact, she laughs at my confession, which really kinda pisses me off. "Oh my god, I already know," she says.

"What? How could—"

"Josh told me the truth about everything. He even said that he wanted you to kiss him that night and the only reason he turned you away was because he was afraid of what people would think if they found out he kissed another guy." This bitch is literally blowing my mind right now!

"What?! That can't be true," I deny in false disbelief. Obviously, it has to be true, considering the reasons I tried to kiss him in the first place. Inside, I knew he wanted it. I mean, all the signs were there.

"It is. Psh, I always knew he had a thing for you," Anna confirms.

I just roll my eyes. "It's not like it matters though. He hates me now... and I guess I can't really blame him." I'm actually surprised Erica and Anna don't hate me too.

Anna just shrugs but Erica on the other hand seems to have something to say. "Well, summer's not over yet... you still have time to patch things up with Josh."

"He'll never forgive me," I say pessimistically.

"You can't think like that. I'm sure if you just apologize to him you guys will be friends again."

"No... I think it's too late."

"Maybe not. What if... the four of us got together and—" Erica suggests but I already know that Josh would never agree to a meetup if he knew that I would be there as well.

"Josh wouldn't agree to that if he knew I'd be there. I told you, he hates me."

"That's why we won't tell him you'll be there."

"What, like some sorta half-ass intervention?"

"Something like that. We could all go on a camping trip to Yosemite. Anna will invite him, telling him it'll just be me and her on the trip," Erica explains. I gotta admit, it's not a bad idea, but the chances of it actually working out aren't exactly on my side. I mean, I called Josh a sodomite, which is probably the lowest thing I could have ever said to him. Doubt I could ever take that back.

"You up for it, Anna?" Erica asks.

"Yeah, of course! Though I don't know if Josh'll be."

"There's no harm in trying," Erica says, looking at me. I guess for my approval.

I slightly nod my head but don't verbally respond. I then find myself looking out into her backyard to notice a swimming pool.

"Alright. I guess we're going to Yosemite!"

"Hey, uh... do you mind if I go... hang out by your pool?" I randomly ask, having some desire to confront my worst fear.

"Uh... yeah, sure?" She replies, confused over the randomness of that question.

I get up and head on outside into the dark, night atmosphere to stare into the crystal clear pool water. And immediately it brings me back to the night at the hotel when Josh made an effort to teach me how to swim. Man, I would kill to have that moment back.

The thought of just jumping in still brings tension to my nerves. But yet it doesn't paralyze me like it used to. At least now I can actually dip my legs into the cold, soft water as I sit at the ledge and tempt myself to just fall in. The idea of drowning used to scare me but now I'm not so sure. It may bring tension to my body but I can't say it's because I'm still scared. There's nothing to be scared overseeing as I don't really give too much of a shit about dying anymore. I guess I'm just anxious about what it'll feel like. Maybe. Or maybe deep down I am still scared. Who the fuck knows anymore? Who the fuck cares? If I die then so be it. It's not like anyone will actually miss me. Josh won't. And he's the only one I care about. So honestly, who gives a fuck?

With that kind of ideation, I take a dive at last. After all of these years of being afraid of it, I finally just do it, without any sort of concern for the consequences.

I submerge myself in the shimmery waters and release some of my air into bubbles that rush to the surface. I sink to the bottom and hold my breath as I open my eyes to stare up at the night sky. After about twenty seconds though, I can't hold my breath any longer and so I emerge from the surface, poking my face out as the rest of my body just floats. For me, it's so hard to believe that after all these years I've finally overcome it and the only person I have to thank for that is the one person that hates me all because I screwed up. The one person that actually matters to me.