For Yeji, home wasn't the four walls where she grew up in. For her, it was those luminous eyes and that heartbeat, until one day it wasn't.
• • •
"I hate you," I say as I stare at the ground, my...
A smile grows on my lips as I jog in the park, listening to the music that Hendery had recommended me. As I expected, his taste was quite similar to mine. I loved all the songs he told me to listen.
I don't know why but I feel a sense of deja vu when I listen to the songs. It's as if I've heard these voices before.
One of them is Hendery, the other also seems awfully familiar.
It sounds like Ten. Maybe I'm thinking this way because he's been on my mind lately, leaving me confused.
I feel a pair of hands cover my eyes and my blood runs cold. Following my instincts, I grab the hand and twist it.
"Shit, it's me," Hendery's exclaims and I quickly let go of his arm and take a step back.
"You scared me!" I place my hands on my knees and take deep breaths.
"I- I'm sorry," He says, guilt evident in his eyes.
He takes a step towards me and his eyes roam all over my face, "You look pale, do you feel okay?"
"I-uh," My heart hammers inside my chest as his eyes roam over my eyes, nose and trail downwards but he looks away quickly, "I'm okay."
He places his hand behind my neck and pulls me towards him. Hendery's embrace makes my inside feels fuzzy and it feels safe, almost like a home.
"Your heart is beating so quickly," He whispers as he strokes my back gently, "I'm sorry for scaring you like this."
You stupid, it's not because you scared me, I want to say to him, it's because you're so close to me. It's because you're hugging me.
He pulls back after a few seconds and smiles his bright smile, "Let's sit there," He points towards a bench and I nod my head.
"So," I begin quietly, "Do you live close to this park? I've never seen you here before."
"I came with my best friend, T-" His words get interrupted as Hendery suddenly extends his hand and grabs the ball which was about to hit me, "That was close!"
Butterflies, they fly around in my stomach as Hendery's brown orbs stare in mine.
Why are we getting stuck in the same situation again and again?
"I'm sorry for the ball," A small boy runs up to us and bows his head, "Can I please have it back?"
Hendery smiles as he strokes the boy's hair and returns him the ball, "It's okay, we weren't hurt."
"Thank you!" The child grins as he waves his hand at us and runs back to his parents.
"That was a cute child," Hendery says as he leans back on the bench.
He looks so soft and adorable, I smile at him, realising that he's so good with kids.
"Why are you so covered up?" I ask Hendery as I notice his black attire and the cap on his head.
"Don't want to catch any paparazzi's," He winks at me and chuckes softly.
"Okay, Mr. Superstar," I laugh as I shake my head at him, "By the way, those songs you sent me, that was your group, right?"
"Oh my god," He says as he places his palms on his rosy cheeks, "You listened to my voice and our songs.."
Why is he so cute? I think to myself as I smile at him.
As a writer, I know how special I feel when someone tells me that they read my book but it also scares me.
It is as if, I am standing naked in front of the whole world and people are judging me left and right.
Hendery would've felt the same when he recommended his songs to me. He would've been wondering what would happen if I didn't like his songs, his voice.
"Your voice," I stare at my lap as I fiddle with my hands, "It's so beautiful and captivating. I feel happy when I listen to your songs, Hendery."
My skin feels like it's burning as he leans his face closer and places a kiss on my cheek. I sit there numbly as he moves away and we sit in silence before he speaks again.
"Thank you," Hendery whispers as he grabs my hand and holds it softly, "I really mean it."
At that moment, it feels as if life is finally treating me well. The pain that I bear after my heartbreak, is finally subsidising as my heart wavers whenever I'm with Hendery.
My brain tells me to pull my hand away, to get up and walk away because I was setting myself up for heartbreak but I couldn't.
Deep down, I know my feelings are all over the place and I am moving too fast with them but I can't hold myself back.
I interlink our fingers together and flowers bloom in my heart when Hendery smiles shyly as he looks at our hands.
At this moment, I am sure that I am willing to give Hendery a chance, only if he proves to cherish me.
Only if I knew that I was setting myself up for heartache.
It is like I am on a train with failing breaks. Everything is happening too fast and I have no choice but to go along with it.
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