Home || NCT Ten

17

A month, that's how long my happiness lasts but it's more than I ever imagined.

The guilt inside my heart piles up day by day but I force it down, I remind myself that it is for the best.

While Hendery, he keeps me happy. We go on many dates. Sometimes we cuddle at home and order takeout, other times we go out to watch a movie or to take a stroll in the park.

They are little moments but ones, which I will cherish when I think about us.

My happiness, it doesn't last long, it never does and this time, it is the same.

•

I am sitting on my bed, reading a book, when Hani pops her head inside and smiles.

"Lia is here," Her smile wavers a little when she sees my expression, "Nope! You're not telling her right now, Yeji!"

Till how long do I keep the truth away from her? Till how long do I have to lie?

"Fine," I drag out the word as I place a bookmark on the page where I last read the line and get up, "But I don't know if I can act normal in front of her."

"You're not normal, babe."

I hit her shoulder lightly as we laugh and enter the living room, where Lia is sitting on the couch.

"Hey," I walk up to her and give her a hug, "How have you been?"

Lia tucks her hair behind her ear and sighs, "I've been better."

Exchanging looks with Hani, I continue, "What happened? Can I help you with anything?"

"It's just- Ten has been really weird lately." She sighs again, "He doesn't visit me anymore, doesn't text me or call me. The last time I saw him was when you and Hendery got official and that too, he didn't talk to me back then."

"He didn't tell you anything?" I ask her quietly and cautiously, "If something is bothering him or..?"

She shakes her head and lies back on the couch, "It's like he's not there. It hurts me to know that we were fine, we were fine until I met you guys.."

My blood runs cold as I look at her, "What do you mean?"

"Yeji, tell me that I'm being paranoid," She grabs my hands as tears emerge in her eyes, "Tell me I'm wrong."

"I-uh," My eyes look around to ask Hani for help but she isn't there.

She went to make tea, I realise as my heart drops down in my stomach.

"I am always the one who is looking at Ten but you know who is he looking at? It's you, it's always you!"

This is it, this is the dreaded moment that I knew would come. This is why I wanted to come clean to Lia about me and Ten's history but I couldn't.

I put the blame on Hani but I was scared too. I didn't want to hurt Lia..

"No-it's not like that," My breath quickens and I fumble on words, "I don't- he doesn't-"

"Eyes don't lie, Yeji. It's not like I'm blaming you but I know what I see in Ten's eyes. He likes- no, he loves you. I wanted to be with Ten for a long time, I wanted to grow old with him but it makes me feel guilty. He makes me feel guilty. He doesn't love me and I wonder if he ever did."

Tears stream down my face as Lia removes her hands from mine and runs a hand through her hair.

This is what I was afraid of happening, this is why I wanted to tell her the truth.

"I know you're hurting but I don't love him. What we had, it is in the past. Trust me, please." I beg her as her face turns pale.

"What you had?" Lia raises her head and looks at me as horror fills her eyes, "You two dated?"

"I-uh, we did." Shame fills me up and I look at the ground.

"How long? Tell me how long!"

"Five years." I mumble as I place a hand on my mouth to cover the sound of my cries.

Everything was coming back to me. The memories, the dates, the Ten that I used to date, the Yeji that I used to be, the promises that we made, the day when he left, the day when I cried, when I moved on and wrote my book.

"God," She laughs and shakes her head, "You both must've thought I was a joke. I trusted you! I befriended you!"

"I wanted to tell you, I should've but I couldn't. Lia, I didn't want to hurt you!"

It's too late now, I already hurt her.

"It feels like you already did that," She smiles weakly at me as she grabs her purse, "I need time, okay? I have to break up with Ten before he leaves me. I'm a model, I have to save my reputation."

Hani stands near the doorway and gives me a sad smile as she mouths, I'm sorry.

It is useless. Every kind of apology is useless now, whether it is from me to Lia or from Hani towards me.

"By the way," Lia stops in her tracks, her hand on the doorknob, "I know we can't be the same oblivious friends again but I would appreciate if you didn't ruin Ten and Hendery's friendship. They're in the same group, it will destroy them."

She turns around and looks at me, her eyes red and glossy, "I guess I am the stupid one. It all makes sense now. Your book, it's about Ten, isn't it?"

"Lia, I-"

"Leave it," She shakes her head and sighs, "What has happened can't be changed now. I have to go."

My knees give out and I collapse on the floor.

This isn't right, I let out sob as Hani rushes towards me and hugs me tightly.

"It's okay," She murmurs, "It's going to be okay."

But it wasn't okay, it was far from okay and we both knew that.

•

Who do you think Yeji will choose now that the truth is out,

Hendery or Ten?