Home || NCT Ten

18

I spend the next few days crying in my room. It is bad for me, for my health but it's the only thing that I can do right now.

Shutting the world around me completely, I drown in my own tears. It's sad but it makes me feel a little bit better.

These tears are my punishment and I deserve them. I hurt people to save myself from Ten and his confrontations and while saving myself, I hurt other people.

My phone vibrates and I slowly pick it up to see that it's Hendery again.

Hendery doesn't deserve me. He doesn't deserve my silent treatment or how I keep on ignoring his calls and messages but I am not ready to face him.

Ten also leaves me with calls and messages but I don't want to answer him yet. I'm not ready to face him.

Hendery <3 : Yeji, love, please. Talk to me, tell me what's wrong. I'm waiting and I'll keep on waiting until you open up to me.

Hendery <3 : Love, I may not be able to help you but I can lessen your burden. We promised to tell each other everything, right? I'll always be here for you.

Hendery <3 : Yeji.. it's been a week now, what is happening? Do you not trust me? Do you not want to talk to me?

Hendery <3 : Tell me how long.. how long should I wait for you to come back, how long that you stop ignoring me and text me back..

Hendery <3 : I'm losing hope, love. I don't know what to do without you here. It's killing me that you're sad but I can't help you..

My fingers itch to reply to him, to tell him that I can't do this to him, I can't hurt him anymore that I already have but it's hard, it's so hard.

He doesn't deserve me, he deserves someone honest and kind, someone who doesn't ignore him for a week, someone who doesn't leave him to worry..

That's when I decide that I have to talk to Ten first. I have to solve my issue with him, I have to get closure.

Without wasting another second, I call Ten and he picks it up on the first ring as if he was waiting for me,

"I need to see you."

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Taking a deep breath, I fiddle with the loose threads of my hoodie, "Did- did you break up with Lia?"

Ten stares ahead, at a little boy playing with his dog as he shakes his head, "I didn't but she did."

"I'm sorry," I whisper as I clench my hands, my nails digging in my palm, "It's because of me."

"Yeji," He calls my name softly, like he used to when we were together and I look up at him, "It's because of me."

"I love you, Yeji. I never stopped and I don't think I can. It's not that easy."

"Bullshit," I yell at him as I wipe my tears angrily, "You left me, you broke up with me!"

"I had to," He whispers weakly, "I had to! We were so young back then and I had already spent 5 years with you. It was frightening, I was scared because I was in love with you, madly and deeply. It sounds like an excuse but, Yeji, I didn't break up with you because I stopped loving you, it's because I loved you so much."

"Stop, just stop," Shaking my head at him, I lower my voice and continue, "You weren't the only one in love. I told you countless times that I loved you but you didn't listen. You never did."

"I'm sorry, for everything."

"You know, I hate you," I mumble after a few moments as I stare at the ground, my hands trembling by my side, "Actually, I hate myself because I don't hate you, I can't hate you."

"I'm sorry," Ten begs as he takes a step towards me but I raise my hand to stop him.

"You were my home," I tell him quietly, "A home is where you can return to but when I turned around, you weren't there."

Maybe it was my fault for searching a home in a person that I loved.

Feelings aren't eternal, they don't last long. How could I be stupid enough to place my feelings in a person, knowing that he could leave me anytime and when he did, I would be homeless.

I still blame myself and I will continue doing so because I was wrong.

You can't make people into homes, you just can't.

"Yeji, baby," He calls me again and I halt in my steps, "Please don't leave me. You know why I had to leave you, didn't you? I grew up in a house where my parents didn't believe in love. They cheated on each other, had affairs and ended up divorcing each other. I'm their blood, I was scared that I would turn out like them."

"No, no!" I turn around and walk towards him, pointing a finger towards his chest, "We were different, we were happy! You messed us up, Ten. Don't try to justify it now."

Turning on my heels, I try walking past by him but I never can.

He grabs my wrist and pulls me towards him. Ten places his hand on my back and strokes it gently as he hugs me, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I wasn't a good home. I'm sorry I disappeared when you needed me. Please, please forgive me. I- I love you, Yeji."

"Don't," I let out a cry as I try getting away from him but he is strong, he is warm so I stop resisting and give into him, "Please don't say sweet things to me. Don't make my heart waver. I'm happy right now, I'm happy with Hend-"

"Yeji?" A voice makes my insides freeze and I go still, "Ten?"

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