Carnation [PJM] *EDITING*

H day 129

!!TRIGGER WARNING!! Mention of blood, just a precaution.

It was later towards night and Seokjin and Namjoon had left the house for their annual date of the week.

You were wishing for a relationship like theirs, one where the other person would adore you when you were at your best, and worse. When they would take you on dates every week and love you more each day.

Maybe you were scared of getting attached, maybe you just wanted the unknown feeling of someone you love to love you back.

You were still sitting at your window, not waiting for the miracle of Jimin walking towards your house, but just for the pain to be away, the pain of loving Jimin and all the consequences that go along with it. Yet, you didn't want to lose the love you felt towards him. But to lose the pain, you had to lose the love.

You weren't paying a lot of attention, not realising that the street lights had turned on and the moon was sitting in the dark sky.

Of course, you noticed when a taxi parked in front of your house and a figure got out of it, shutting the door behind them and walking towards your house.

You gulped.

You weren't expecting this, not until your birthday, or even after the surgery.

But there he was, Park Jimin, walking towards your front door. Soon, you heard a knock, knowing it was Jimin, you shakily stood and started making your way down to the front door.

You stood with your hand just about to touch the door handle, should I do this? You thought. Should I open the door to someone who's been to occupied for me?

You opened the door, Jimin had turned away, already taken a few steps but stopping once he heard the creak of the door.

"Jimin?", he turned around. "What's wrong?"

"She cheated on me."

"What?", you pretended to be shocked, you knew this was going to happen.

"She", he took a deep breath as his eyes became glossy, "she cheated on me, Y/N."

"Inside, come on, its cold out tonight", you started walking towards your living room to get something warm for Jimin, hearing the door shut behind you and the sound of shuffling followed you. "Living room or bedroom, Jimin?"

"Upstairs", you indicated towards the stairs for Jimin to make his way up. You were still incredibly weak and didn't want Jimin to notice, quickly grabbing the fluffy blanket Jimin likes from the couch, you started making your way upstairs.

Once you got to your room and shutting the door behind you, Jimin was staring into oblivion as tears started falling onto his cheeks. "She cheated on me, was I not good enough for her?", Jimin looked over to you and your heart broke at the site, the bags under his eyes were heavy, his skin was pale and his eyes were bloodshot.

You sat down next to him, "its okay Jimin, we've gotta let people go to make ourselves happy, free of pain, free of some emotion."

"But I was happy, I was happy with her. The nights she would stay over and we'd watch movies, or when we went on a date and she'll giggle her way through a crowded street, the way she placed her head on my chest and slept. That's what made me happy, without her, I'm nothing."

"Jimin", you pulled him close to you as his sobs became heavier, causing you both to fall back against the pillows. You're breathing became heavy as he curled into your side and held your shirt tightly. Hold it down, not long now and it'll all be over, you thought.

"You are something, you are someone. Your the most talented person I know, you don't need a girl to be having to tell you what's good and bad about you. I didn't know much about your relationship, but if you're reacting in such a way, she maybe wasn't right for you. Now I'm not saying that you don't deserve someone who loves for for all eternity, because you do, we all do, but Soobin may have not been the one, if she decided to cheat on you, that's because she's a toxic person. She may not have known it, but she put you in such a bad state, where it'll take a while for you to regain the love you felt for yourself, or someone else."

There was silence after your long, therapeutic speech, the only sound was Jimin's sobs and your deep breaths.

"Did she not love me?"

"I don't know, Jimin, I really don't. Did you love her?"

"Yeah", pause, "yeah I did."

"You're not nothing Jimin, you're someone. Your Park Jimin, my best friend, and if it helps, I'll always love you."

There wasn't a word from Jimin, his sobs continued bit he had become relax, and soon enough, he had fallen asleep by your side.

You slowly released yourself from Jimin's hold, placing the blanket he likes over him and getting off the bed and heading towards the door quietly. As you slowly and quietly made your way downstairs, your breathing had become uneasy and you made quick, quiet movements towards your kitchens trash can, ready to throw up more of your love for Jimin.

Your eyes were clenched shut and it felt like thorns were ripping your throat apart. This went on for a couple of minutes, but once you felt the power to open your eyes, you were hit with horror. The flowers were no longer a light red but covered in a dark red liquid substance that had tinted the other contents in the trash can. Bringing your hand up to your lips, grazing it over your lips, the tip of your fingers were coated in the dark red blood.

You sat there, staring into oblivion, not knowing how long for. Not hearing the car pull into the driveway or the opening and closing of the front door, or the voice of someone calling your name. Only realising your surroundings once a hand was placed on your shoulder, releasing you from your state of shock.

Quickly turning around, you came face to face with Seokjin and Namjoon, both of their eyes widened in shock as they saw your dried up blood covered lips. "What happened princess?", Seokjin said as he bent down to be level with you.

"Jimin fell asleep on me."

"What?"

"Soobin cheated on him, he came here and fell asleep on me. I talked to him, but I had to keep forcing it back down, once he was asleep I came down here and", you looked up at Seokjin, "is it a bad thing?"

"What did it feel like?"

"It felt like it was ripping my troat apart." Seokjin and Namjoon made eye contact with each other. "Jinnie? Whats wrong?"

"You just held it down for to long, it built up, causing the edges of the flowers to rip at your throat. But your okay, it'll be okay."

There was silence, a comfortable silence.

"I told him, I told him I loved him." Tears gathered in your eyes. "I told him I loved him and he took it in a friendly way."

"I'm sorry princess."

"Is this what it feels like, to fully desire someone, so much that it hurts?" Another silence. "Loves stupid if it just wants to hurt you."

"Sometimes, you can love something so much that you can hate it, so much that it hurts, human emotions are just stereotypes, what you do with those emotions defines who you are.", Namjoon wisely spoke.

"So me taking away my love for Jimin, does that make me weak?"

"No, it means you were strong for to long. You held on to those emotions, hoping they would be replied, but once you knew, you created your story."

[18//11//16]

Thanks to everyone reading this for getting it to 2K, I never thought it would have happened in such a short amount of time, and for a book I'm actually proud of too. I'm sorry for not updating for a while, but I'll try and update a couple of times over the course of the next month. Again, thanks for 2K, I'm also gonna edit this again if I remember, just to add the gif of Jimin like usual. 💗