Really?!

Chapter 38

Beyoncé’s POV

"So I'll send y'all the final copy of the set list and I want to make sure everybody is comfortable." I said.

I heard some yeah’s and saw some head nods. We've been sitting her for a few hours getting the set list finalized. After everything that happened last week and my sisters calling me trying to figure out what happened. I had Chanel and Damien explain what happened to their grandparents. Chanel had a sit down with my mom and Shawn's mom and Damien had to sit down with my mom, Shawn's mom and his grandmother called him on the phone. It was some week especially with Chanel being punished so she's been with me every day. She's goes back to school tomorrow though.

"Well if everyone is good I'll see y'all tomorrow." I said.

Everybody got up and left and I was putting some stuff in my bag and Chanel and Blue came in. I looked up and it made me smile. I thought now was a good time since we're here and all.

"Ma, when we leaving." Chanel asked as she sat down.

Blue ran up to me and I picked her up and kissed her.

"In a minuet, I want to show you something." I said. "Can you get my bag?"

She got up and went around the conference table to get the bag. We walked out the room and went down a hall way. I went in one room and opened it with a key. We went in and I shut the door. 

"What's this room?" Chanel asked as I turned on the lights.

"This room holds video footage and every interview I've done for the past few years." I said.

"Wow, that's crazy." She said.

"I also have some other stuff." I said.

"Like what?" She asked.

"Pop a squat." I said.

I let Blue down and she went over to Chanel.

"Ma, don't say that." She said as she sat down.

"Whatever." I said as I went to one of the shelves.

It was kind of easy to find the stuff. It was in alphabetical order. I looked under 'C' and there it was. I came back with a  box and brought it out. 

"What's that?" She asked.

"It's something I think you should see." I said.

She sat Blue down and Blue sat with me. She went through the box and pulled out pictures. She looked through them and smiled. She looked at me.

"That's me and you?" She asked.

I nodded my head. It was the picture of the day I got to take her home from the hospital. That was a tough ass two weeks.

*February 1998*

This baby should be here in 2 months and I'm more than ready for her to get here. We had to push the album release back because I wanted to do promo with the group and what not. We had already had videos out now they were waiting on the album. I was glad we shot the video's while I wasn't showing and we put them out in the fall and early winter of last year. 

"Bey! We're back!" I heard.

I went down stairs as fast as I could get there. When I got there I saw what I was craving. I sat down and went in on my McDonalds. 

"Well damn!" Kelly said. "You’re welcome."

"Thanks." I said with a mouth full of food.

"Yo, Bey. You feel alright?" Solonge asked.

"Yeah I'm good why?" I asked.

"Cause your water broke or you either peed yourself." She said.

I looked down and when I looked up Letoya was coming in.

"Well I'm not peeing so my water must of broke." I said as I finished eating.

"Oh shit, we gotta get you to the hospital." Letoya said.

"I'm not supposed to go until I feel contractions." I said still eating.

"Are you crazy? This isn't supposed to happen! You’re not due till like the end of March!" Kelly said.

"Oh true." I said as I grabbed my drink.

"Solonge get the bag, Kelly call Aunt Tina and Uncle Matt." Letoya said. "Bey, you good?"

"I'm fine." I said. "I feel fine, no contractions."

"Well get in the car." She said. "Solonge!"

"I'm coming." She said.

"Bey! Come on!" Letoya said.

"Girl, calm down." I said. "Breath, okay I'm fine. I need to change my pants."

"What?" She said.

"Relax, I'll be back." I said

I went to change my pants and I went to the car and we all got in. 

"They'll meet us there." Kelly said.

"Bey, please don't mess up my car." Letoya said.

"You act like I can help it." I said.

"Anyway, can we just go?" Solonge said.

When we arrived at the hospital they set me up in a room and I thought it was weird that I had no contractions. Like, I'm completely fine, I feel nothing. I know I'm supposed to feel something and I'm really early, like I have eight weeks left. The doctors came and checked on me and kept asking did I feel anything but I wasn't. My family kept checking on me and Kelly would not leave my side. The next day I was still in the same position, no pain. That afternoon the doctor came in and told me if I didn't feel any contraction they would have to take her out. Which means a C-section and I'm not looking forward to surgery. Well what do you know it's the next day and I still feel nothing so their prepping me for surgery. I'm scarred shitless right now.

"You okay?" My mom asked.

"No, I'm scared." I said.

"Think of it this way, you won't feel anything and your baby girl will be here soon." Letoya said.

"Alright, Kelly you coming with me?" I asked.

"I wouldn't be in these scrubs for nothing." She said.

They wheeled me down to the operating room and I thought they would be putting me asleep but they only numbed my lower half which was getting an epidural. So they had to stick that needle in my back and it hurt like hell. They put up a sheet so I couldn't see my lower half and Kelly sat near my head.

"Thanks for coming with me." I said.

"I had to see my god daughter be born." She said.

They started and I really didn't feel anything except pressure. Next thing I know I hear crying.

"Oh my god!" I said.

"Oh my god." Kelly repeated.

"Mommy, you have a beautiful baby girl." He said showing her over the curtain.

"Kelly, she's here." I said.

"Yeah, she is." She said.

After they cleaned her up they brought her to me. I held her but as soon as I got comfortable and Kelly and I were looking at her they took her away, what the hell?

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Her lungs aren't fully developed and we have to take her to the nursery." The nurse said.

"Is she gonna be okay?" I asked.

"She will be fine." She said.

I looked at Kelly and I started to cry.

"Bey, don't worry she a fighter, she's gonna be alright." Kelly said.

I didn't say anything but tears kept flowing from my eyes. That's my baby and now you’re telling me she can't breathe correctly, that's so not fair. Did I do something? Is this my fault? I hope nothing happens to her. When they finished with the surgery they gave me some medicine for the pain and before I could ask about my baby I was knocked out.

*Next Day*

I woke up and pain shot through my stomach. Oh my damn! I started to groan and Kelly started to wake up.

"Hey Bey." She said. "How you feel?"

"Pain." I said.

"I'll get the nurse." She said.

I sat there and waited and damn this stuff hurt. Kelly came in with the nurse. She explained to me that medicine was in an IV drip and to press a button that would shoot the medicine into me when I was in pain. She also gave me some stuff for my nausea and said she would check on me later.

"Where's Chanel?" I asked.

"Who?" Kelly asked.

"I named my baby Chanel Nicole." I said.

"That's pretty." She said. "Everybody went to see her."

"Where is she?" I asked.

"She's in the nursery but she's in an incubator." She said. "They say she has to stay there until her lungs are strong enough."

"What?" I asked as I teared up.

"But don't worry Bey, she's so strong. She was five pounds and six ounces. That's pretty good as a preemie."

"I want to see her." I said.

"Okay but I don't think you should be walking with the stitches and all." She said. "I'll get a wheel chair."

She went and got the wheelchair and I mentally prepared myself to see my child. Kelly wheeled me in and I saw my family in there. We had to wear scrubs to be in there. They asked was I okay and everything but I didn't even care I just want to see my daughter. They let me see her and she looked so helpless in that little incubator. 

"She's a fighter." One of the nurses said. "You’re the mommy we've been waiting for?"

"Yes." I said smiling.

"Would you like to hold her?" She asked.

"Yes." I said nodding.

The nurse handed her to me and she was so small. They said if she would keep up with the progress she would only have to stay for two weeks. I was released three days later and I didn't want to leave her. I was at the hospital every day and my baby was so strong she only stayed eleven out of the fourteen days. I was the happiest when I got to take her home.

"January 2012"

The picture she was holding was the day I got to take Chanel Nicole Knowles home.

"Wow, I was really light." She said.

"Yeah, most babies are." I said.

"What's on these disks?" She asked.

"Anything I filmed of you until you were five." I said.

"Really?" She asked. "You watched these a lot?"

"Yeah, I did." I said.

"Does daddy know about this?" She asked.

"Yes, he saw it on his birthday." She said.

She kept looking through the box until she finished.

"You have DC stuff in here too?" She asked.

"Yeah, some." I said.

"You know what's my favorite interview of you guys is?" She said sitting down.

"Which one?" I asked.

"It was the one where you were eating grapes, so unprofessional, and you said you wanted to be a whale." She said laughing.

I looked a little confused because I didn't remember which one that was. She grabbed her phone and typed in something. She showed me the interview and my god. 

"Mind you I was tired." I told her.

"Yeah I figured but it was the funniest to me." She said.

We sat there for a while in a comfortable silence.

"Ma, do you like doing this?" She asked. "I mean I know you do but would you ever give all this up?"

I sat and actually thought about that.

"With the mindset I have now, if I had to I would." I said. "I mean I love what I do and something really really serious would have to happen to make me stop." 

"Ma, I don't think the band thing is working for me." She said.

"Why not? I thought you loved it?" I said.

"I did love it but I don't feel the same about it anymore." She said.

"Well what do you want to do?" I asked.

"Well I can't act, I don't want to dance and I don't want to sing." She said.

"Why don't you want to dance or sing?" I asked.

"Mom! You’re my mom." She said.

"So!" I said.

She shook her head.

"I'm gonna be compared to you and I don't want that." She said.

"Then what do you want to do?" I asked.

"I don't know." She said.

"You know you can't keep going to that school if you don't perform an art." I said.

"Yeah, I know." She said.

"Look, just finish out the year." I said. "Really think about if you don't want to do this no more and if you still don't will talk about other options."

"Okay, thanks mom." She said.

"No problem." I said. "We can go home now." 

I picked up Blue because she had fallen asleep and we went home.