Really?!

Chapter 64

Chanel's POV

This therapist is looking at me as I sit in her office. My family is here with me but their outside waiting. She wanted to see us individually. My mom hasn't spoken one word to me and it's killing me. I deserve it, I don't blame her one bit. But I miss my mom.

"So Chanel, what happened?" She asked me.

I twiddled my thumbs before I spoke to her.

"Uhm." I cleared my throat. "I hit my mother."

"Why?" She asked.

"I was really irritated and upset about I don't even know what and I exploded on her and she tried to grab me but I pushed her off me then she smacked me and I smacked her back as a reflex and..." I said.

"And what?" She asked.

"You are African American am I correct?" I asked.

"Yes." She said laughing.

"Then you know what happened next." I said laughing.

"Why did you get so upset?" She asked.

"I don't know." I said.

"It had to be something." She said.

"I don't know, I just never seem to be doing what I'm supposed to do. I'm always in trouble." I said.

"How do you get in trouble?" She asked.

"Most of the time I don't think before I do stuff and I was working on that but I was jumped and all that went out the window." I said.

She nodded and wrote something down.

"How is your relationship with your mother?" She asked.

I had to think.

"When I was younger, like 5 and under. You couldn't separate us, we did everything together. Then I was sent to go live with my aunt and we drifted apart a little but when we were together it didn't matter anymore. When I was 10 or 11 I didn't like her anymore until I was fourteen and confronted her. I've been living with her full time almost a year and we're still rocky but I love my mother to death." I said.

"Did you forgive her?" She asked.

"Yes." I said.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Yeah, I don't bring up anything that happened in the past." I said.

"Just because you don't bring it up doesn't mean the pain is supposed to go away." She said.

I just sat there. Maybe I haven't really forgave her.

"Chanel, we're done for now." She said. "Tell your mother to come in."

I nodded and got up. I left out the door and into the waiting room where my family was.

"Ma." I said and she looked up from her magazine. "She wants to talk to you."

I went to sit by my dad as she went to talk to the therapist.

Beyoncé's POV

I was sitting with the therapist.

"So Mrs. Carter-"

"You can call me Beyoncé." I said.

"Okay, Beyoncé, what do you think happened?" She asked.

"I don't know." I said. "I've never seen her act like that."

"Do you know what could've caused this?" She asked.

"No." I said.

"Do you think she has some pent up anger?" She asked.

"I know she has pent up anger." I said.

"Do you know where it stems from?" She asked.

"Yes." I said lowly.

Deep down I didn't want to admit it but I know she's still angry with me.

The lady nodded and wrote something down.

"What is your relationship like with Chanel?" She asked.

"Chanel." I said and smiled. "That's my first born, my mini-me. I fell in love as soon as she was born. Now I've made some mistakes because I'm not perfect but I've apologized over and over and I don't know what else to do."

She wrote something down.

"How were you at Chanel's age?" She asked.

"I had Chanel's attitude, I was just like her." I said. "But things happened and after I got pregnant I knew I couldn't be that person anymore."

"What person were you?" She asked.

"A slick talker and always got popped in the mouth for saying something slick. I didn't have the anger that Chanel does but I did get myself in a fair share of trouble." I said.

"So her brother Damien is here as well?" She asked.

"Yes." I nodded.

"Could you send him in?" She asked.

I nodded and got up and went back to the waiting area.

"Damien." I said.

He looked up.

"She wants to talk to you." I said.

"Why me?" He asked.

"I don't know." I said as I sat down.

Damien got up to go and I looked at Shawn and Chanel. I don't hate my daughter but it's difficult to move pass her crossing the line the way she did. She acted as if I was a stranger on the street.

Damien's POV

"So you've known Chanel, how long?" She asked.

"Uhm since we were five so ten years." I said.

She nodded.

"Was Chanel an angry child?" She asked.

"I wouldn't say angry but we did in a way run the streets together getting in trouble and stuff like that." I said.

"Has she been involved in fights?" She asked.

I laughed.

"Yes, numerous." I said.

"Do you know why?" She asked.

"Well she used to get bullied a lot so that was the main reason." I said.

"What did people say?" She asked.

"They would say she didn't have parents, or talk about her hair or just dumb stuff." I said.

She nodded and wrote in her little pad.

"I would always tell her not to listen to what they say but it was that parents situation that would really get to her." I said.

"Do you think Chanel really forgave her mother?" She asked.

"She said she did but you can never be sure." I said.

"Why you say that?" She asked.

"Chanel doesn't do a really good job at expressing her feelings the right way." I said.

"Okay." She said. "Can you bring your family in." 

I nodded and got up to get them.

Shawn's POV

We were sitting in this therapist office. Me, Damien, Bey, Mama T and Chanel. We flew all the way back to New York for this so all this stuff better get aired out.

"Now I've spoken to Chanel, Beyoncé and Damien and what I've gathered is Chanel's anger is steamed towards not fully forgiving her mother." She said.

That's surprising yet it's not. I looked at Chanel as she twiddled her thumbs. She starting biting her nails and Mama T pulled her hands away from her mouth.

"Chanel." The therapist said. "Do you know why you don't forgive your mother?"

"That's what I don't understand." Chanel said. "I do forgive my mother."

"But does it still hurt?" She asked.

Chanel didn't say anything.

"Damien mentioned that Chanel has had problems with bullying and she doesn't know how to express her feelings." She said. "Does that sound about right mom?"

"Yes, your correct." Bey said.

"Chanel you know you can forgive someone but still feel anger towards them." She said.

It got quiet.

"Chanel, it's alright to be angry with me. I completely understand." Bey said. "I know this is partially my fault." 

"I don't want to be angry anymore." Chanel said and then she looked at Beyoncé. "Ma, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean anything I said. I'm so sorry, I don't want to be angry anymore. I don't want what people say to me to effect me like it does. I don't want to be this way. I don't want you to hate me anymore. I'm sorry."

Chanel sniffed.

"But you left me." She said. "You left me and didn't come back for me like you said. You lied to me and it hurts." 

She was crying, Mama T was crying, Bey was crying. It was just a lot going on. Bey got up and went over to Chanel. She pulled Chanel up and sat her on her lap as she sat down.

"Chanel, I don't hate you, I could never hate you, I love you. Your my mini-me, you are apart of me." She said. "Now am I disappointed at what you did yes."

"Mommy, I didn't mean to." She said crying.

Bey wiped her face.

"I know you didn't." Bey said. "Now I don't know how to take the anger and pain you feel for me and what I did to you away but I am so sorry, I'm sorry and I will never do anything like that again, I promise that. I don't know what I can do for you to know how sorry I am but whatever I have to do to get us back on track, I'll do it."

Bey just held Chanel as she cried. I'm glad their talking even if we did have to dig skeletons out the closet.

"Shawn." The therapist said.

"Yes?" I answered.

"How do feel about all this?" She asked.

"Becoming at peace because their getting there true and raw feelings out to each other." I said.

"Do you have any feelings towards this?" She asked.

"I was upset at Chanel's actions but I knew she would explode eventually and I was just frustrated that my wife and daughter weren't talking." I said.

She nodded and wrote something down. What the hell the therapist be writing down?

The therapist finally talked to all of us when Chanel calmed down. She gave Chanel some tools to use when she gets angry and when we get back she'll meet with her once a week and she'll meet her and Bey to work on their relationship. I'm glad this trip across the ocean wasn't in vain and we all can learn from this.