Chasing The Impractical (Brian Quinn Story)

Real Poor Husbands - Apollonia

By the time Wednesday came along I had two sketches written up. I was feeling pretty confident. Jorma had looked over the first and cried laughing. He was even more shocked when I told him I had a second. Apparently, they didn't expect the newbie to bring anything to the table on their first week.

The meeting room was huge, it was towards the end of the office block and was separated by glass panels. On one end there was a large screen and the other wall was windows ceiling to floor, with the view of New York City below.

"Wow" I laughed as I walked in with Jorma.

"Yeah, it's a view alright. Anyway, the junior staff sit on the chairs by the wall, you can sit behind me though" he smiled and took a seat at the large oval meeting table.

"So what have you brought me all today" Lorrie roared as we strode into the room and took his seat at the top of the table.

The next three hours were spent listening to the writing staff pitch their ideas. Some were awful and Lorrie took no prisoners when it came to telling them how he felt. By the end i was a complete bag of nerves.

"Anything else?" Lorrie called out to his staff.

"My new junior has something. It had me in tears yesterday" Jorma smiled.

"Alright then" Lorrie shrugged and raised his eye brows as I stood up and walked a little closer to the table.

"So..umm, I've just moved to Staten Island... And I've, I've met some characters. So the other night my niece was making me watch the real housewives and I thought how funny it would be to see the the real poor husbands behind the wives, but based on the sterotyical Staten islander"

"You got a script?"

"Yes sir" I stumble and shakily pass the pieces of paper down to him.

I stay stood up as the room falls silent. I literally wanted to faint, I was a complete sweaty mess and knew everyone was staring at the new girl. Looking down, Jorma flashed me a huge smile and I tried to steady my breathing as I looked up and locked eyes with Colin Jost.

My attention was quickly brought back into the room when Lorrie began to roar with laughter. "Whats your name again"

"Apollonia, most people call me apple" I laughed nervously.

"Jorma, help.... Apple get this ready for the show this week".

With that he stood up and left the room. Once I could no longer see him I felt my body relax a little and I let out a small laugh.

"Well done" Jorma smiled and pulled me into a tight hug. "Now let's get wasted" he added before pulling away.

Following instruction from Jorma, I had packed some clothes to wear for the night out and brought them to work. Everyone was done for the day now so I quickly headed to the ladies and began to change.

"Not many juniors can get a laugh out of Lorrie like that" I heard someone call out from behind me.

"Oh fuck ahaha" I scoffed as I turned around and saw Kirsten Wigg and Kate McKinnon.

"We get that alot" Kate joked and dramatically flicked her hair.

"Are you coming out tonight?" Wigg asked.

"Yep, just need to finish changing" I smiled.

I continued to get ready with them and then followed them out to the bar. It wasn't far from the Comcast building and we soon arrived to a stuffy and overcrowded bar.

"I thought you'd done a runner" Jorma smiled as I walked over to him.

"I had to change" I laughed.

"We see" Colin Jost suddenly laughed as I watched his eyes scan up and down my body.

I had no idea what type of bar we would be going to, so I had recluntantly decided on a pair of leather styled leggings, a oversize grey top with a low cut in the front and my black vans. There had been no hope for my hair so I had left it down and tried to salvage my face with a little make up.

"Can I get you a drink?" Colin asked as his eyes finally came back up to met mine.

"Bourbon" I smiled.

Three beers and several shots of whiskey later I was sat in a booth next to Jorma and Kate.

"You have to let me play one of the parts in the sketch" Kate laughed as I finished telling her more about the script.

"Umm, yeah, fuck" I scoffed in disbelief that the Kate McKinnon was asking to be in something I wrote.

"Drinks?" I asked the table and crawled out of the booth.

After I took the order I had pushed my way to the front of the bar.

"Let me get them" Colin suddenly whispered into my ear as I felt his hand on my lower back.

"I've not brought one drink yet" I laughed.

"Your a junior writer and I know what we pay you, so please let me get them" he laughed back and jestured for the bar man.

"So have you been in the states long?" He asked over the music.

"Nope, like just under a month"

Colin turns and calls out his order to the bartender. The whole time his hand is still on my lower back. As we wait for the drinks a guy next to me pushed backwards and I ended up being pushed towards Colin.

"Careful man" Colin calls out and gently strokes my back.

"Sorry, some fucking student just split their drinks" the guys turns around and I instantly recognise him.

"Oh hey you... oh man hey Colin" he laughs.

"Hey Q, you know Apple?"

"We may of kinda pranked her at Steve's Deli over on 43rd" he laughs awkwardly and runs his hand through his hair.

"You guys here together?" He goes on to ask

"Kinda yeah" Colin replies and smiles but his brow stays firm.

I can feel Colin running his hand further down my back now until he reaches my bum. In an attempt to break the awkward silience i add in "I'm the new junior writer for SNL, we're all here having a few drinks".

"Get out, that's awesome" Q beams at me.

Suddenly the bartender arrived back with our drinks and Colin leads me away from the bar, leaving Q stood alone by the bar.