Love, Lied and Lost...

Anorexia

I hate eating it makes me feel sick... Just the sight of food make me feel fat and undesirable, I don't want to eat, I don't want to even taste anything else than water. My friends know I don't want to eat but they force me and my family also. But it just makes me feel worst every day and I want them to let me alone. I want them to let me alone, to let me be anorexic. I'm always saying that I'm not anorexic to my friends, that I'm feeling okay. I just want them to let me alone, I have to stop eating. I am a smoker, and cigarettes helped me to not eat. But I'm trying to reduce my consommation and it make me fatter. I'm lost the world is a fucking waste of time. I try to make myself puke but I can't, I just don't know how to... So I'll just stop eating until my weight is below  54 kg. I think I weighted 57kg not so long ago... Actually yesterday, I have an eating disorder but I need to stop eating, I need to get skinner, to get slimmer... I feel so bad in my own body and even when I don't eat I feel like it's not enough... And I don't know how to get out of this, I just can't help myself and no one can. I don't want people to try and help me, I won't them to juts let me alone, not eating. I have to stop eating, I'm not good enough I'll never be good enough. I know I have to loose weight, even if my family says I'm okay, even if some boys say I look pretty, even if my boyfriend says im beautiful... I just need too cause I don't want to be bullied again... I don't want for the world to talk about me every time I walk past theme in the street. I wanna be the girl that boys like, that guys compliment. not the one we laugh about or the one who feels insecure. I just need for the world to stop telling me to eat. I can't, I just can not anymore. the world is the worst place to grew in, cause we are always telling you about how to look how to loose weight... And today I just want the world to let me stop eating, and to let me be anorexic. Cause even if I say im fine it doesn't mean I am, even if I say im not hungry it doesn't mean I am not... And it isn't because I say I ate that I really did...

Hey one more of those really sad text, this one is about the eating disorder I'm facing... And my smokings problems... Hope you liked it but can't relate.